"And I could feel my mind slipping away from you and needing, craving to kill because that was all I had left. Your memories and the bracelet wasn't enough. Nothing was enough...So I threw myself into the ocean in hopes to get to the bottom. At tha...
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Edited.
William Blake, La Réssurrection, 1809.
"Often when I imagine you
You're wholeness cascades into many shapes.
You run like a herd of luminous deer
And I am dark, I am forest. " -Rainer Maria Rilke.
Trigger Warning (TW): Explicit content on gore, killing, obsession, and cursing.
Dear, Veronica
I dreamt I awoke in a field of poppy seeds, lilacs, roses, sunflowers, and every plant in between. Everything that could have existed, even those made of golden skin and pomegranates. I was naked under a too bright sun, but I felt incredibly cold. Something in my head said Walk and I did through those fields until I seen you. In your wholeness, you were a butterfly covered in purple hues and star dust. You were so small and when you flew, I ran after with excessive desperation. I caught you but when I opened my palms, I found blood glittering all over my hands. It grew like mold, wrapping itself around my arms like blue serpents. Kill was still ringing in my ears when I awoke screaming, followed by my father's laughter.
I don't know. . I don't know if I can see you. I don't know. I don't know.
Fortunately, you'll never get this.
Dear,
You may assume I don't know you. I know that you've never had a nosebleed. That you wanted to take ballet but couldn't afford it. That you snipped Seth's ear when you were a child. I know that you... you gained a stuttering problem right after but only your mom noticed. I know that you have night terrors, and your favorite dessert is strawberry ice cream.
And you know how I know.
However, this version of you is the surface, the part of you that came from an experience I never would. But after the dance, I got to see what you looked like in my world. I morphed into you. I could feel all your sadness from Seth's assault, and how it crippled your security. I felt the phantom pains created by your fear of saying too much- doing too much. You were like a crab, ripping off parts of you hopelessly to try to remove your feelings when Michael told you he liked Lizzy. And it never stopped.
It felt like something swallowed you whole when your father hung up on you when you tried to tell him Mary had cancer.
You seemed lonely to me. The odd one out obsessing over your lack of everything. I morphed into you, but I couldn't tell the difference. I was like a Betta fish who could only survive with violence. I never knew I was lonely until I met you saw you.
