"And I could feel my mind slipping away from you and needing, craving to kill because that was all I had left. Your memories and the bracelet wasn't enough. Nothing was enough...So I threw myself into the ocean in hopes to get to the bottom. At tha...
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Jacques Prévert, La Lune, 1900-1977.
"Days pull you down just like a sinking ship Floating is getting harder But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile Rises the moon"
-Rises the Moon by Liana Flores
Trigger Warning (TW): Explicit content on Suicide, death, child death, CA, and violence.
After a year of being homeschooled, Jacob is sent to an all-boys boarding school in Moscow. It's specifically the one for boys like him, who know his parents and know about their business. The first day he steps into the school it's chaos, a haunting place covered in dust, the paint chipping off the walls, and the structure falling apart. There's barely any windows and it's always cold. This is prison to him and he has to fight another boy as soon as he walks through the doors.
They're stuck in a dimly lit gym that can fit four classes worth with boys the ages of 12 to 15. His opponent is 11, same age as Jacob, with light green eyes and freckles. The teachers explain the purpose of the orientation is to test the children's "skill sets" and says it will tell if they belong here or not. However, Jacob knows what this is. It's the same thing he had to go through a year ago, and he realizes this is what his parents trained him for.
"Older men declare war...but it is youth that must fight and die," One of the teachers quotes in such a way it haunted Jacob forever.
He's surrounded by vile people again only this time he's not the only victim. His opponent's fearfulness contrast his own steady pose. No one was speaking English and everything- the walls, the chairs, and the people are all pale and dull. Everything is pale, grey, gray, and green and it hurts Jacob's eyes. He can barely understand his native language: it's different, heavy, and sick.
When they fight, he holds back as much as he can for the sake of his opponent. He's weaker than him, so Jacob tries to give the courtesy of not breaking his jaw. But for the rest of the fight, he begrudgingly blocks the raging fists from him. The familiarity of the situation makes his stomach turn awfully. His opponent catches him off guard, slamming him into the ground as he's covered in bruises. Jacob groans from feeling his skull being split open and a shiny glint catches the corner of his eye. He rolls over in time to miss it and lies on his back trying to keep the knife away from his throat.
"Die already!" The freckled boy screams and Jacob can hear the clear desperation, hesitation, and fear straining his voice. He sees himself in teary green eyes but tries to stop the knife from going any lower.
The room is too loud with everyone eyes screaming the loudest. They're hungry for what will happen next as they shout "Kill" . The screaming is so deafening, Jacob begins to scream along with them. His vision darkens and he feels like a shapeless thing, moving somewhere within the void drenched in red. He can't control it. He feels his arms move involuntarily and feels a rush of elation- a release when his hand grip an object before plowing through something soft.
