"And I could feel my mind slipping away from you and needing, craving to kill because that was all I had left. Your memories and the bracelet wasn't enough. Nothing was enough...So I threw myself into the ocean in hopes to get to the bottom. At tha...
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Sevdaliza in "Men of Glass" music video, featuring Rome Fortune, 2016.
"But, also, her heart turned over for him, it shifted and burned."
-Iris Murdoch, 'The Philosopher's Pupil'.
Veronica wanted so badly to go home. It was June, sky clear and blue but everything felt scorched and dry. To be outside for one moment was to get bodied by the heat. Summer was here and it was batman, beating everyone's ass. Walking to the bus stop, Veronica could feel the sweat drip inside her blouse and the soles of her feet on fire walking from her therapist office to the bus stop. Worse, the heat made Veronica quicker to exhaust and she fuckingbadly wanted to go home.
It had been 7 months since the party, and Veronica hadn't seen nor heard from Michael. She didn't know why because there wasn't much from what she could remember from that night. The morning after, she was in her bed with her window open and found bruises around her ankles, wrists, and throat. The purple shading of her skin in those areas would throb with pain when she touched them.
At first, she was frightened and wanted to go to the hospital to make sure nothing happened, but Lizzy told her she went home with them that night. However, there was a period where she was gone for three hours and Veronica told her she didn't remember it. Michael found her trashed in the bathroom and, at least that's what Lizzy was told by Aya, Aya was the last to see Michael.
Veronica couldn't say she missed Michael. The whole night wasn't erased from her mind, and she definitely remembered breaking up with him. That part she didn't regret and she liked the distance between them so far. Yet, she couldn't say she wasn't worried. Michael hadn't gone this long without talking to her or Lizzy. Every time she thought about him, her intuition twisted itself inside her stomach and the vibrations in her hand would intensify. Veronica couldn't prove it, but she knew something was very wrong with Michael. Yet, the awkwardness and the possibility of the reemergence of old feelings she was able to shed away kept her from reaching out.
She was comfortable with being selfish like this. Focusing on herself, consistent with therapy, baking, and trying to find a new job gave her a challenge that didn't make her hate herself at the end of the day. In this moment, Veronica would say she was content with the way her life was heading- except for her dreams and her therapist.
Despite there was great improvement in her communication skills over the last three months, the therapist still wouldn't allow Veronica a higher dosage of sleeping aid.
Brrr. Brrr.
She shoves her hand into her book bag and pulls out her phone, seeing Aya's name on her screen before answering.
" I just left right now." Veronica continues to search through her bag trying to find her bus pass.
