"And I could feel my mind slipping away from you and needing, craving to kill because that was all I had left. Your memories and the bracelet wasn't enough. Nothing was enough...So I threw myself into the ocean in hopes to get to the bottom. At tha...
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Author note: I thought about keeping this chapter till I was done with all of them but I feel bad for putting y'all on hold for so long so enjoy 💕
TW: Explicit content on breaking and entering, masturbation, obsession, nudity, and sexual scenario thoughts.
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"Jacob. You need to leave."
My fingers rest on the windowsill and collect dust as my eyes stalk your figure. Even on speaker, I can't hear the phone as I witness the distance between you and I expanding. In my other hand, a cigarette is lit and shakes between my fingers. I smash it softly in your butterfly ashtray and it rubs against the incense ashes, causing hints of lavender to tickle my nose. Finally, you turn a corner on a street leaving my sight and my lips pull back.
I may not be wanted here but I want to be here. I want to be wanted here by you but won't wait for your permission. Yet, all I can wrap my head around...all my thoughts only center on a feverish need that is you, Veronica.
Seven months, every day, every hour, and every existence of mine is concentrated in What are you doing? Did you eat today? Did you walk or take the bus? What stop? Did you leave therapy? What did she tell you? Are you talking about me? What are you wearing? Will you wear your braids up today? Are you thinking of me? Are you sleeping? Are you dreaming of me? Are you safe? Do I need to hurt someone? Are you happy? Crying? Are you thinking of Michael? Are you thinking of me?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you thinking of me-
These questions build a pressure enough to make my chest tight and the front of my mind throbbing. For hours, it feels like I can't breathe while struggling to meditate on the thought of you. You keep me calm...but it's not enough without your presence. My lungs feel like they'll collapse in the pit of my stomach and I remember I'm living.
I remember how painful it is- life. The hollowness, the memories, the blood splattering across the inside of my eyes like a chilling fog. The thrill that makes my fingers itch to capture something and hold it's breath. Before my sanity escapes, my heart runs to you like a whipped horse:
