To Taran: A Short Story (Ours #5)

Part Two: Regrets

To Taran,

It has been another year without hearing from you, without your hearing from me, as I am more coward and less brave to send this letter to you. I have wanted to, believe me. Many, many tines. Each with a little more words than the last.

But then I replay that day, and like all the others, the words never reach you. I think about what you'd say if you were to read this. Would you ignore it, crumple the paper, and throw it away? Or would you fold it, keep it in a safe place, and meet me again? The chances of the first one are more than enough, but I still hold hope that the second could happen.

I regret many things. But I will not take back what I said. The first few weeks without you, however, I considered it. Even now, I feel I am being harsh. You probably thought so, too, but my words, as you know, once having left my tongue, are stone.

I stand by what I had said last June.

"It is late, chhori. Why do you sacrifice sweet sleep?" Ama peeked in from my doorframe. Her hair was at her sides, uncombed, and her eyes were puffy with restlessness. It must have been no later than eleven, and Ama was still awake because she was concerned about why I wasn't asleep?

"Sorry, Ama, I was studying. I will go to sleep soon."

Instead of leaving, she pushed the door open and came in to stand right behind my desk, where I was sitting. She stood there for a while. I sat there for a while. We said nothing. Then I felt warm hands running over my head. She ran them through around five times before settling her hand on my hair. "My sweet girl, I worry about you. Learn to care for yourself before this world and its people ruin you."

"Okay, Ama. I will," was all I'd said. She gave me one last look and left the room, my door open. I got up after that to shut it, but stayed long and quiet by the door. All-day long I waited, and there was no text or call from Taran. I knew he was busy. He had told me so, but surely he could have spared a minute to tell me he was doing alright?

I let out a sigh and leaned against the door.

I woke up the next morning and reached for my phone eagerly, only to be met with disappointment. Nothing, not even a goodnight message. I began chewing the inside of my cheek, wondering what could have happened. Maybe he had a long day and went right to bed? Maybe he forgot?

After sending him a text saying goodmorning, I went on with my day. I thought a little again about it until sometime later, when I finally sat down to check. He'd responded with what I said. There was nothing following up with that. I don't know why, but I let it go.

A few days went by, and although nothing had happened since then, I had felt uneasy. I tried calling Taran, pacing my room until he picked up after the fifth ring. "Hello?"

Relief washed over me. I missed hearing that voice. "Hey, Taran."

"Is everything okay?" the sound of cars whizzing by and voices in the background came to my ears, and before I could bring up what had been worrying me, I answered with a question of my own. "Are you busy?"

"Um, yeah. Is it alright if I call you back?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I love you. Stay safe, take care."