Where does one draw the line in war? When does one put down their guns and stop fighting? After a peace deal is scratched up by men in high places or after a toppling of another government? How many lives were lost during this bloody hell?
These questions, I do not know the answer to. Countless lives were lost. What's done is done, but one cannot move on from the hell they witnessed without addressing it.
"Karlos! Karlos!" They called from the day I was born to high school. It was an innocent calling, maybe one to play or to eat, but this war tore me apart; one such innocent call turned into one so grueling and so painful.
To kill a man and watch the life drain out of their eyes, one of the same nationality, race, maybe personality, possibly a man I could've been friends with. Only one word. Draining.
I wish I could move on from it but I can't. Comrades and enemies killed left right and centre. Each with a family waiting for them at home, praying for them to come back; praying that one day a happy family can unite. Shattered hearts and crying is what comes out of this.
Coming out of this war, I feel grateful that I didn't die like the rest did. It sounds selfish but I'm just so eternally grateful that I made it out alive...and yet so guilty that I made it out alive. Why couldn't it be someone else here right now? Why couldn't it be Miguel or Pedro alive, their airy laughs cheering up this bleak atmosphere? Why were their lives taken and not mine? Why were 3rd Squad killed and not me? Why am I the survivor?
The so-called "Survivor's Guilt" is killing my soul day in and day out.
In war, one picks up a rifle, gets an objective and kills whoever gets in the way. It's as simple as that. Yet why am I so mentally and physically damaged, so scarred?
I miss my old life, the life where all I worried about was getting into a good college and keeping in touch with my friends. I miss relaxing in the sun, chatting and eating really good food as Alex tried to steal them from me. I miss taking care of my sister, hanging out with my family, reading the tons of books I have in my room.
...why did this all have to change?
YOU ARE READING
At What Cost?
ActionA boy fresh out of high school is dragged into a civil war. He sees the bloody hell that he's trapped in and tries to figure out which side to help. As he navigates his new brutal life, he gets hit with bombs, gunfire and many other close brushes w...
