The first part of getting through this has got to be me hoping it won't happen again right? One step forward, even if that step is farther away from you. Making sure this instance is the exception, not the rule. No way I can fall so quick, and then get hurt just as quick. How did this all happen within two weeks?! No, there's no way. I'd be lying if I said I never wanted you before that. It's been half a year since you walked in with me. I can't forget, but maybe I can prevent. First step has got to be cutting ties. It has to be. So I will.
I have to. It would make things so much easier. But do I want easier if it's without you? No. Even in a whirling thunderstorm, you are the oasis. But I can't right? You love him! Oh my word, you love him. He doesn't know what he has and yet he remains the luckiest guy I barely know. For his sake, for her sake. I have to stop. What we did was immoral and wrong and shouldn't have happened.. but I am so glad it did. You are an unbelievably nice, caring, sweet, and genuinely thoughtful person. The fact that we did what we did means something right? It has to, please. It wasn't nothing. Please tell me it wasn't. Tell me I was the exception, not the rule. Tell me anything at this point. I can wait. I can wait. I can wait.
What the hell is happening? I feel used. No, I feel like an idiot. I had every chance and it was made worse every single time. Do you understand? My heart is breaking. It's breaking again and again and again. I put so much trust into you, knowing you would never hurt me. Knowing you would never do that. You didn't just say it, you proved it through your actions and attitude. And yet, here I am, crying more than I have in the last four years.. over you. And it's like I can't comprehend it or I refuse to. It can't be your fault. It's mine, it has to be. So long as you're happy, I know I will be sometime in the future. Even if it's not tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. I will remember this. I refuse to follow the trend that I have made. I will not leave us in ruins like everyone else I left. You're the exception, not the rule. Some of my happiest moments, my brightest days, my deepest nights, my most passionate conversations, my most awestruck stomach-turns, always were and always will be those days with you.
YOU ARE READING
The Color Green
ПоэзияThis is a collection of works that is my way of thoroughly expressing what I'm feeling, seeing, and learning throughout life over the course of the last 3 years.
