Cold Water

The Anger

As promised for @daphreak, a bit of an argument...

P.S. Cuddling may be coming next chapter ;)

(*~*)

"Ant!" David called as Dec followed one of the runners back to the make-up room. Ant had automatically gone to follow him; they tended to hang around one another most of the time and especially at the moment, it sometimes felt like the older man's presence was the only thing keeping Ant there, tolerating everyone else.

Like now, when he had to push down a flicker of his own temper that had only appeared to mask the sudden fear he had that David would have more questions. Already, talking about Stephen so early in the day had made Ant dread the moment he had to be upbeat on camera.

"About Simon," David started as soon as they were stood off to one side together, close enough to allow for a more private volume. Ant shut his eyes with poorly hidden exasperation, wanting to ask why everything was returning to the head judge at the moment.

"Me and Dec'll handle it," he tried to placate the other judge, knowing deep down that he would rather have that conversation than let someone else do it. He wouldn't forgive himself if Simon acted oddly around Stephen the first time he saw him, only because he hadn't had everything explained to him properly. Stephen didn't need to have a negative experience – didn't need to lose any of the shaky confidence he was starting to regain. It was already at rock bottom and he didn't have far to fall.

"You don't think it would be best to keep a bit of distance between you and him for now?" David asked hesitantly.

"A bit difficult to do that when I need to talk to him about something, isn't it?" Ant retorted.

David sighed, looking tempted to push again. And David was a stubborn guy so it was almost inevitable. "After what happened before, you're just going to lose it with him. He's not going to change overnight, Ant!"

"Then I'll lose it with him," Ant replied simply, feeling the usual simmering anger under his skin boil to the surface easily. "I don't have the energy to put up with him right now."

"We saw what happened a couple of days ago," David tried again. "Dec is hardly in the right frame of mind to be keeping you in check, is he?"

"Don't go guilt-tripping me about that," Ant mumbled although there wasn't any real heat behind his voice. "Declan's in a state. I don't want him to look after me. I want him to bloody look after himself."

"You're both in a state," David said bluntly.

"I'm not the one thinking it was my fault, am I?" Ant said, sighing. David widened his eyes almost comically, before instantly frowning. "And before you say anything, I know it's mad."

"He thinks it's his fault?" David echoed disbelievingly.

"Partly," Ant said, shrugging again. "He keeps saying, 'I helped,' like he had anything to do with it. Even Stevie's had to have a go talking some sense into him."

"Did it work?" David asked quietly.

"Worked a damn sight better than anything I've said," Ant replied, exhaling heavily. David rested a hand on his shoulder, still a little hesitant as if he expected the gesture to be shaken off. And then there was a lump in Ant's throat.

"He just needed to hear it from Stephen," David said patiently, evidently hearing everything Ant hadn't said.

"Aye, I know," Ant mumbled, smiling helplessly. "Doesn't make me feel any better about not being able to convince him myself though, does it?"