Cold Water

The Advice

Dec should have known that 'just checking in' was never the answer to Stephen's question of 'why are you really here?' that would lessen the look of unease on the younger man's face. He'd given Stephen two days of peace and quiet since the end of the auditions to sleep off the fatigue that so many days of work back-to-back had left him with. But after that point, he knew he needed to make sure the other man was okay.

In particular, Dec wanted to talk about Ant. Partly because his resistant best friend was being his usual dismissive self when Dec tried to get him to open up about what had happened on the last day of the auditions and he hoped that talking to Stephen might get him into Ant's shoes a little more easily. But mostly, his motivation stemmed from an instinct that Stephen might take the news that Ant was struggling with memories of the accident badly.

"Well, I can s-string a s-senten-tence together a-again," Stephen updated him wryly. Dec felt his own mouth flicker proudly before he could stop it, knowing he'd been caught when Stephen jokingly huffed out a sigh. Truthfully, through his own embarrassment, Dec knew he didn't care all that much – hearing Stephen sound more confident than he had in a fortnight was cause for celebration in his books.

"You look a little more awake than you did," he replied teasingly, reminded of Stephen's heavy blinks as they stood around with the crew at the end of filming. He'd half-heartedly been considering the auditions afterparty, only persuaded not to bother when Ant said he didn't feel up to it. Dec suspected he wasn't the only one who knew the real reason why Ant didn't feel like going to a party that night, seeing the aftershocks of what had happened written all over his uneasy expression, but the other man had feigned exhaustion which had eventually convinced Stephen that he could do the same. Dec had turned up to show his face but slipped away before the event really got started, not used to being there without Ant and Stephen to wind up.

The morning after, Ant had returned to his usual bright and breezy self, brushing off any suggestion that the suspected flashback had knocked him off-balance. It hadn't gone unnoticed for Dec that the other man had been a little twitchy on their first day off though. He'd seemed to struggle without the constant reminders of Stephen, unable to glance across the theatre to see the other man in the flesh.

"T-Taking ad-advantage of n-not n-needing to s-see A-Ant f-for a bit?" Stephen asked jokingly whilst still making a point of highlighting that he had noticed the other man's absence. Despite his reason for visiting, Dec made a show of nodding conspiratorially, trying to play along.

"He's probably more fed up of me than I am of him," he replied, not particularly lying. He suspected Ant wanted his own space today even if it wasn't the best thing for him. Dec, meanwhile, felt agitated, not knowing how he was coping.

"H-He..." Stephen rubbed his lips together hesitantly, the gesture making Dec realise that the younger man was about to make all of this far easier by bringing up what had happened without prompting. "He h-had a – a f-f-flashb-back."

"Yeah," Dec murmured, feeling an urge to fiddle with his hands just to avoid Stephen's gaze for a moment. "I think so. He – He looked like you do anyway."

Stephen nodded slowly, rubbing a hand over his forehead, smoothing the pinched lines in his skin. "I d-didn't kn-know what to – to s-say. N-Not used t-to be-being the one who's o-okay."

It hurt to hear him say that so openly even as he paired the statement with a self-deprecating but humourless smile, the idea that he rarely was entirely okay seemingly engrained in his head. Dec felt bad to find himself agreeing though – Stephen had a lot on his plate between his stammer and PTSD. Dec knew there were few days where neither of these problems bothered him.

"And you are okay?" he checked gently. "You were okay after he talked to you?"

Stephen's nose wrinkled as if he didn't like his own answer but he reluctantly shrugged. "I f-felt a b-bit rough but I d-don't kn-know what w-was that and wh-what w-was the th-theatre."