Cold Water

The Appreciation

"Have you got a minute for your two biggest fans?"

Dec rolled his eyes at Ant's question, aimed at Stephen's back as they caught the other man up at the end of the ceremony. He'd been led off to go through the usual winners' interviews straight after his speech, managing to miss the end of the show. Not that Dec had been paying much attention to what was happening; he'd been preoccupied with playing Stephen's speech on repeat in his head, bathing in the warm content that the younger man's words had imparted.

"Y-You l-lied to m-me." Stephen turned around to face them, a lopsided smile on his face betraying him as he attempted to frown in Ant's direction.

"We needed to convince you to come," Ant replied with a grin, nodding at the small trophy in his hands. "We weren't allowed to mention that bit."

"It w-will be h-hard w-work ed-editing what I j-j-just s-said to them into a co-coherent in-interview," Stephen nodded his head back towards the press room with a self-deprecating grimace.

"You did well on the stage," Dec pointed out with a reassuring smile. "It's just caught up with you a bit, yeah?"

"A b-bit," Stephen agreed, the fingers of his spare hand drumming against the metal award distractedly.

"You did really well," Ant chipped in, nodding firmly to prove his agreement.

"Th-Thanks," Stephen said quietly, mouth twitching with that glimmer of uncertainty which never quite seemed to fade. No matter what they said to him, Dec wasn't sure they would ever get it to vanish completely.

"I know we've said it already but you really deserved that," he pushed anyway, spurred on by his usual determination to chase away the remaining doubt. He didn't want Stephen to question why he had been given the award. He didn't want Stephen to worry that he'd been given it out of pity when that was far from the truth. The younger man had always worked hard and that work ethic had only got stronger now that he was contending with more challenges on a daily basis.

"Y-You j-just wanted an ex-excuse to c-call m-me a p-p-prat in – in f-front of ev-everyone," Stephen accused in return, choosing instead to hide behind a joke. Dec could certainly relate to that; he'd done it all evening as well, feeling people's eyes on the three of them with a weight that he wasn't used to. All of the attention nowadays was more oppressive, as if people were waiting to see someone falter. He'd already let everyone see a chink in his own armour though; the way he'd turned into Ant's side after the accident, still on the stage, had been enough public emotional vulnerability to last a lifetime.

"We don't need an excuse to do that," Ant retorted with a teasing grin, "You prat."

Stephen huffed out a laugh, eyes closing ruefully. He looked happy beyond anything else even if the signs of his wavering confidence were ever-present. And all Dec really wanted was for the two people in front of him to be happy. They could deal with anything else that happened, as long as they were all somewhere close to happy.

(*~*)

After receiving such an award, Stephen had a newfound confidence going into the Britain's Got Talent semi-finals. It felt easier to turn up to meetings beforehand with that token of recognition to prove his worthiness in an industry that put so much pressure on people to conform to something 'normal'. When he thought back to how he had got started, he could remember meeting Ant and Dec, being surprised that they had both retained such a strong Northern accent and then learning slowly over time about the number of producers who had tried to get them to play it down.

You weren't meant to sound different. Audiences wanted familiarity and reliability, apparently. Everything revolved around London and if you sounded like you were from there (one of the nicer parts, obviously), you were more likely to draw in a crowd. Stephen had the advantage of actually being from London – he'd had almost all of the privilege necessary to be conveniently lucky when he was first trying to make it as a performer.