armin has never been more oblivious to anything else in his life. for such a smart person, he can't see what's right in front of his face, but there's always been one constant in his life. you. what happens when things around him start to change and...
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You sat in the middle of your bed, staring down at a text message on the phone in front of you. You were grateful your read receipts were turned off, giving you plenty of time to formulate a response. Granted, that response was "yeah".
Your curtains were drawn. At this point in the night, it was so dark that it seemed light. She insisted on coming at midnight. The clock read 11:56.
When Pieck texted you, you felt several emotions all at once. Relief, confusion, then anger. Who did she think she was? Who was she to text you a full two weeks after a social media scandal that involved the both of you and then invite you to go on a drive at midnight on a Monday --technically a Tuesday?
If you weren't desperate to hear the other side of the story, you would have kept your self-respect and not answered the woman who ghosted you after kissing you at your own party. Not that you would have responded if she did text you, but at least you had a decent explanation for ignorance.
MESSAGES, NOW Pieck: here
Twelve o'clock. Right on time.
You opened the door to her dark blue car and was met with a blank stare from the glasses-wearing girl in the driver's seat. She wore pajamas and her hair was mussed. She said nothing.
The car was silent as she pulled around corners and drove up streets. She came to a stop on top of a grassy hill where the snow melted. You were too stubborn (or too intimidated) to say the first word.
She put the car in park and took the keys out of the ignition, making everything go dark. She sat back in her seat and stared at the starless sky through the window. "This is what it felt like after I kissed you. I expected there to be something. But there was nothing. No reason, no stars in sight. I shouldn't have done it."
"I don't understand," and you didn't. She was speaking in metaphors, as Armin did. "Why are we here, Pieck? Why have I heard nothing from you for two weeks?"
She shrugged, still looking straight ahead. "I was scared. Angry at Porco, we all were. But I was confused most of all. I thought you liked me. Fuck, I thought so many things about us."
"I'm not following, Pieck."
She turned her head, her smile looking out of place. "I wanted you so badly, but I knew there was something in the way. I think I've known it since the very first day."
"Pieck, I seriously do not fucking know what you're talking about. Please be straight with me," you said. Your eyes started to water from the frustration. You just wanted the answer, but you feared you already knew what she meant.
She laughed for some reason. "It's not in my nature to give up on anything, but I know your heart's not in it. You're not entirely sure of us." She made a back-and-forth finger motion between you two. "That kiss confirmed it. Even drunk, you weren't fully there. I could see it in your eyes, something or someone else was in the back of your mind, like always. When I saw the look on Armin's face afterward, everything finally clicked."
You underestimated how smart she really was. Your eyes widened as it started to click for you too. There was always that something. That bad feeling you got every time the two of you got one step closer to a real relationship. Every time you thought about Pieck, Armin came in second.
You blamed the excess thoughts about him on your close friendship. But Jean was closer, and you never thought about him in a hypothetical romantic way. You never thought that way about any of your friends, except Armin.
When you thought about Pieck, Armin's name would pop up next. What about Armin? What about him? Now you knew.
He was a second thought, but he wasn't in second place. He always came first to you. Whatever anger you felt at him before had dissipated completely.
It felt extremely personal when he avoided you. There was never a time you hated more than that. When you hung out, there was always that heat in your face and the sense of giddiness when you were near him. You hadn't felt that since Pieck came into your life. You saw him much less than you usually would. You realized what that something was. The way he made you feel was missing from your life and you didn't even know it was different than everyone else.
"Holy shit." You let out a breathy laugh and rubbed a hand over your face. Pieck was no longer smiling. She had come to terms with the facts but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
"Be with him instead of wasting more time on me." She didn't say it bitterly, but you could hear the sadness in her voice as she started the car, making it light up once more.
When she found the road again, you finally asked for the story. "What happened to the picture? Jean said the Marley kids at our school aren't my biggest fans. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie just looked plain sorry for me. Eren said it was gone though."
Her jaw tightened but she knew you would ask about it sooner or later. This was looking to be your last interaction for a while. "It's a hot topic at my school. I run with a more popular crowd so everyone's shocked I'm gay. Whoever isn't your fan can shove it because there's no reason for them to hate you. Porco and I haven't spoken to those three in a week."
"You and Porco are on good terms?" you asked, very surprised.
"No one else likes him right now even though Marcel and I forgave him. We're the only people who should matter but others like to latch on to things. Porco's popular but he isn't well-liked by some people so this is like gold to those who like painting him as a villain. He posted it drunk, and I screamed at him during his hangover. I was so pissed. One thing about Porco you just have to learn is that he does very stupid things sometimes. He's gotten better since high school started, but he has his slip-ups. He took it down as soon as he realized how mad and how right I was. Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt wouldn't forgive him for this. Ironic since Annie and Bertholdt are two of the most rational people I know. I'd just give them time."
It was quite a bit to process, but you trusted her. She knew that group best. She didn't give you any time to let it all sink in before coming to a stop in front of your house.
"I'd say we should still be friends but I honestly think it would be too hard for me to stay friends with you. Platonic is not the word I think of when I think of you." She turned to face you again and placed one hand over yours before letting you get out of the car.
"This was really nice while it lasted, Y/n," was the last thing she said before speeding off while you could only watch silently from the driveway.
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holy shit!! it's pride month. around a year ago, i came out as a lesbian in an author's note of listen to the music. i want to take this pride month to come out again as bisexual. my sexual orientation has been something i've struggled to figure out for a long time, but i'm finally happy with my label after going back and forth.
i felt secure with the lesbian label last year, but things have changed. i don't know what i wrote in that note a year ago but whatever's in there is staying. even though i don't feel the same as i did then, i'm keeping it in there because i was happy then and i'm happy now.
it shows how much things can change. change is okay, and right now it's important to recognize how sexuality is an ever-growing and changing spectacle, at least for me.
i also want to keep it up because of the comments. when i came out, all of you were incredibly supportive and that community you guys created is extremely important to me.
