To Seek Answers (Mike Schmidt X Reader: Book 2)

I'm Not the One

You sat next to Henry in silence. Him fuming and you lost in your own mind. You'd had suspicions, but you'd kept trying to make excuses and ignore the evidence. You didn't want to believe he was capable of such a thing.

     "He killed all the others too. Didn't he?"

     Henry punched the floor as he let out a scream. "Of course he did! He's been lying to us all!"

     You barely flinched at his outburst. You were in too much shock. "I have to confront him."

     Henry's eyes widened. "What!?" he gasped, "(Y/n), that's suicide! You don't know what he could do to you!"

     "Then I have to at least find some more evidence. To prove that it was him," you replied. You couldn't let him get away with what he had done. Friend or not.

     "And where would you find that?"

     You didn't even hesitate. "His workshop. He seemed pretty intent on getting me away from there. And some of the things I saw were suspicious. It's bound to have enough to convict him." You paused, tugging at a loose thread on your shirt. "And maybe I'll be able to figure out why." Why. The question you desperately needed answered.

     "It'll be dangerous."

     "You can keep him distracted. Say you want to go out to lunch. He'll go. Then I can get into his house and check out the workshop. Once I've found evidence, I'll flick you a text, and you can call the cops. Easy."

     Henry ran a hand down his face. "I don't know if I can pretend to be good with him. He crossed a line. And I already know that I can never forgive him for what he's done."

     "Then don't pretend. Even if you're cold, or rude to him, he'll just assume it's because of your grief. Please, Henry. We need to do something."

     Your friend let out a sigh, pulling his knees to his chest and hiding his face. His shoulders shook, and you placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ok," he whispered, "I'll do it. For Charlotte. My precious girl."

     You pushed open the door to your flat. You'd stayed with Henry for quite a while, discussing when the best time to carry out your plan would be. You pretty much had everything sorted out. But you needed to try and keep yourself controlled. Work on controlling your emotions and keeping a clear head.

     That would take some work.

     When you entered the lounge you froze in place. Mike was slouched on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked downright miserable. He often looked like that these days. You'd read his journal, and so you knew that he was having a hard time dealing with you. That he was lost and confused, and just wanted to help you but didn't know how. You hated that you made him feel that way. You hated that he spent so much time making him worry. You did nothing but make his life miserable.

     You went to walk away but Mike lifted his head at the sound of your footsteps. His eyes brightened slightly as he rose to his feet. "You're back. Thank goodness. You were gone for so long I was beginning to worry."

     A sour tang filled your mouth. "Have you been sitting here the whole time worrying about me?"

     Mike rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I couldn't help it. I love you."

     A lump formed in your throat. If you told him what you and Henry were planning, he'd never let you go through with it. You felt suddenly sick. You didn't want him to worry anymore. You didn't want to hold him back. He would be so much happier without you. So much freer. Maybe there was someone better for him. Someone who could support him the way you wished you could. You couldn't keep dragging him into your problems.

     You had to do it.

     Mike reached out to give you a hug but you stepped back. Your heart ached as you forced yourself to meet his gaze. "Mike," you whispered, "I can't do this to you anymore."

     Mike's face screwed up in confusion. He slowly lowered his arms. "What-what do you mean by that?" he whispered.

     You fiddled with the ring on your finger, feeling sick to your stomach. You didn't want to do it. You loved him. But you couldn't keep bringing him pain. "Mike," you began again, "We're over."

     Mike's face paled, and he took a step back. "Wh-"

     "I can't do this anymore," you continued, "I can't keep causing you pain. You deserve someone better. So much better. You're an amazing guy Mike, and I can't describe how much I love you. But I can't keep doing this to you. I can't keep bringing you down. There are some things, that I need to do. And I can't have you stopping me. I'm so sorry. But this is it." You pulled your ring from your finger and placed it on the shelf next to you.

     Mike was dumbfounded. He stared at you with absolute shock in his eyes. "No," he finally managed to choke out after a while, "No, (Y/n). That's not fair. I love you. I want you, not anyone else." He took a step towards you but you put your arms out in front of you and stepped back.

     "I'm sorry, Mike."

     "Don't do this," he begged, "Please. I've never loved anyone like I've loved you before." He grabbed ahold of your hands and pulled you towards him. "We can make it through this," he pleaded, voice cracking. "We can make it. I know we can. Please. Please don't leave me."

     You forced yourself to look away from his watery eyes. You had to be strong. As much as it hurt it was the right thing for Mike. He'd be better off without you in the long run.

     "I'm not the one," you replied, forcing your hands out of his. "I'm sorry." With a heavy heart, you pulled away and rushed to your room. As soon as the door shut, you collapsed to your knees, tears running down your cheeks. You didn't want to do that. You loved Mike. You loved him so much it hurt. But you weren't the one for him. He deserved so much better. So much better than you.

     You grabbed your pillow off your bed and screamed into it. Why couldn't life ever go your way?

     While you sobbed in your room, Mike was still standing in the lounge numb with shock. And then slowly, it began to sink in. It was over between you two. You didn't want him. He wasn't good enough. He clamped his hand against his mouth to muffle the sob that escaped his lips. He fell to his knees and cried. He was losing it. You were the one thing that kept him going. And he'd just lost you.

     He rammed his fist into the ground, a scream breaking from his throat. What had he done wrong? He just didn't understand it. He was sick of trying to be strong. He was beginning to fall apart. And without you, he wasn't sure he'd be able to put himself back together.

     His eyes trailed to your engagement ring, and with shaky hands, he reached up to take it. His tears splashed onto the metal as he twirled it in his hands. He'd picked specifically to match your personality. He thought you were going to be forever. He could never have predicted he'd be so wrong.

     He supposed he just wasn't the one.