Scarcity of Chances

Chapter 26

"Are you sure, Vine? You don't really want a party?"

I quickly wiped some food moisture on my lips before I shook my head for the third time that afternoon. They've been asking me the same question that it's starting to piss me off inside.

"I don't," tipid kong tugon.

I heard Ate Lyka's frustrated grunts.

"I cannot believe you! After being excited for years, you'll just let this pass? I am telling you, you will only turn eighteen once, Irvine!"

"Stop it, Lyka. Let your sister decide," Papa intervened.

"I just find it weird, Pa. I mean, we all witnessed how excited she was about this. And now... she'll be the only one who won't have a grand debut party among us four!"

I sighed heavily. "Can't I change my mind?"

To be honest, I was still skeptical about my decision up to the last minute before our lunch started. But I already have a lot on my plate right now that I don't think I can handle another. It's not even a small thing. A debut party is a huge deal that comes with tons of problems and consequences.

I only received an eye roll from my Ate Lyka as a response. For the first time since I entered this bubble, I feel like my real sister's right in front of me. Ate Lyka acts like this for I seem to vex the hell out of her most of the time. Or should I say the hell out of her and Ate Amor.

I don't get her irritation though. Why does she give a huge fuck about my birthday? I mean, kahit hindi ako si Irvine, hindi ko alam kung bakit ganiyan na lang siya kairita.

"Then what are your plans? Do you need anything? A car? Money?" Mama asked.

I lowered my head. The most important thing I want is to go home. To my old home.

"I'm fine. I just want some peace of mind," I answered.

Since that memorable flight, I never had peace of mind. We've been unraveling for quite a while now and I don't think I had the rest that I deserve. Some moments with Kylo are probably temporary catharses for me but all the thoughts and troubles would come rushing back after some time or as the moon rises, especially when I am alone in my bed.

Mas tumindi pa ito nang dahil sa isa na namang bangungot ko noong nakaraang gabi. Everything seems connected in a string, forming piles of theories and questions.

The recent dream, I decided to keep it to myself. It troubled me big time and I am pretty sure it will trouble Kylo as well. Sa tingin ko ay mas maguguluhan lamang siya dahil wala naman din akong impormasyong nakuha sa bangungot na iyon. Hindi ko nais na makadagdag iyon sa iniisip niya.

Until now, we're still lost. We are not yet able to decipher the Spanish text fully, so as to choose a strong theory among all that we have.

We are still stuck.

The lunch went on and thankfully, they did not force me or questioned my choices any longer. Gaya ng sinabi ko, hindi sila ganoon kausisa talaga. Hindi ko maitatanggi na may mga pagkakataong tinanong nila kung ayos lang ba ako. Madalas, sinasabi ko na pagod lang dahil sa pag-aaral. Mukha namang hindi pa rin sila nagdududa sa pagkatao ko.

I don't think I am convincing. Masyadong taliwas ang ugali namin at hindi ako magaling umarte. Siguro, wala lang talaga silang sapat na dahilan upang magduda. At isa pa, dahil na rin siguro sa kolehiyo na ako at halos lahat sila ay nagtatrabaho, hindi na kami ganoon kadalas magkasalamuha.

Or maybe I am just not choosing to interact because that's what I am. Plus, unraveling consumes my time.

We went straight home after that. After I think around half an hour, Hans visited our house. Hindi ko mapigilang mairita subalit batid kong wala naman akong mapagpipilian kung hindi harapin siya lalo't tinutulak kami ng pamilya ko rito sa isa't isa.