I'm not okay

Chapter one

I got diagnosed with cancer last week.

I'm scared, not going to lie about that. However I'm not scared for the reason you may think.

I'm not scared of dying from my cancer, I'd actually be kind of at peace with it if that were to happen.

I'm scared of Carlo, my-....I'm not even sure how to call him. Well no, I know that it's 'sir' for me but I have no clue what he actually is from me.

Maybe he is my father, stepfather, kidnapper, adoptive parent, foster parent,... I have no clue.

All I know is fear and exhaustion, that's all I've ever known.

I had never been out of this house up until last week.

Last week when I suddenly started coughing up blood and couldn't move at all. When I started experiencing more pain then I'd ever felt in my entire life.

Carlo found me and started to worry. Never thought I'd see the day to have anything other then hateful eyes burning into me from him.

He brought me to this sketchy hospital, well it's not really a hospital but a guy- a friend of Carlo worked there.

I'd seen him many times before last week. Usually once a week, sometimes daily.

He would come over to make sure that I wouldn't die when Carlo and his other friends went a little too far.

That guy who I've known for years but have never even heard his name of, diagnosed me with cancer after what felt like years of torturing.

Everything in that hospital irked me. So much noise and it was so bright, so, so bright.

After being diagnosed with cancer Carlo took me back to his house- my house I guess.

I've been living here for as long as I can remember.

Nothing changed after my diagnosis, Carlo has still been beating me, starving me and has still been using me as a maid.

I sleep in the basement with my Buddy- it's this cute little bear which I have had with me for as long as I can remember too.

I have books

Everything I know I learned from those. I think they belong to Carlo, I don't think he knows about me reading them. I can only hope he never finds out.

I like books.

They're nice. It takes me out of my own life for a moment and brings me into one full of love.

Carlo doesn't give me any love.

I've never had a hug before.

I don't think Carlo likes me that much, I think that I'm just a maid for him who he can takes his frustration out on.

But I also don't think that Carlo wants me to die. He always makes sure that I survive everything he does to me, that's why he took me to that guy when I felt like I was dying.

However I don't think Carlo will pay to try and get me better. I don't mind it that much honestly.

I haven't got anything to live for really.

Besides my Buddy there is also a small clock in the basement.

I look at the time to see that with being in deep thoughts I forgot to cook dinner on time.

oh no

oh no no no

My breathing starts to get heavier knowing what my fate will be, well for the next few minutes, maybe even hours.