My Life at High School

June 4th 2022 - Epic levels of Anti-socialness

Yo, what's up?

I am in the middle of tuition I didn't do any work. So I'm confused with the Math lesson. But hell I lie with the ratings but also tend to be honest too. So I'm 50/50.

I was at an Eid reunion party on Thursday and I just about died. Physically and mentally. 

There was a speech competition and I didn't take part. And then everybody was after me asking me why. Now what am I supposed to say?

Oh, sorry. A speech is not my thing. 

Or, I didn't want to show up here. 

Like what do you say?

However, the annoying thing is while the others were doing their speeches, I had one in my head and was tempted to go up. But I didn't and I regret it. 

Why?

Because I'm spontaneous. I knew whatever I had in my head would be great. Not accurate, obviously. I didn't do it. But it would be a great speech and I know for a fact I would've won. (Someone humble me).

But here's the worst part. At the Eid party, segregation exists and personally like that. Not because it's sexist. But because the split of male and females is because they're giving the females us respect. You don't that this much these days. So yeah I like that. 

But anyway my point is, I don't know anybody. I don't know of the girls. One girl I know was with a friend and I know the 2 brothers I know were obviously separated from me. Besides we're not close and they had their own friends.

I did hang out with my brother, but he had his own friends. But a thing I liked is that one of the 2 brothers came and said hi anyways. He does that whenever he sees me. The older brother ignores me and the others think he has a crush on me. 

I mean, dude. This dude ignores, goes against me constantly, thinks he's better than me and basically dislikes me. Yet everyone tells me that he likes me. Get lost.

The older brother is in Year 10 with me but is frustratingly a month older than me. The younger brother is in Year 9 but is 1 and a half year younger. If you guys are wondering how that works, I'm born mid-autumn of 2006 and he's born in late summer of 2008. In the UK, a school year lasts from from September to July. You may do the rest of the math. Hence why he's in Year 9.

But I'm antisocial. So I was just there for over 4 hours doing nothing. It didn't help that I began to feel sick around 8:20. I know that because I called my dad twice but he didn't pick up. 

So that's how I was dying physically. Mentally dying was me being nothing for 4 hours straight. And the older brother said he's more antisocial. Like dude. You're literally sitting there chatting with your friends as if you guys came out the womb together. While someone in my class is here and I can't even go up and sit with her. 

Don't lie to me about being anti-social. 

The only reason I talk to people is because I've known them for a long time, they're little kids or they just deemed to be my friend. Don't ask me why but I seem to have a natural charm to draw people in and somehow manage to have friends, despite the levels of anti-socialness I emit. 

Clearly, not at the mosque, though. I think what's worse is that I'm not a cultural person. I kinda lack cultural aspects while everybody else is fine with it. So I'm just out in that area. Take for school in example. I'll be able to go up to someone in my Year just talk to them. And that's only if I roughly know who they are and I'm forced to talk to them. But I will not be able to talk to anyone from the mosque or the Bangladesh community. Shouldn't it be easier? Because you share a culture/religion with someone. You have similar, I don't know, traditions? That other people don't have.  

But nooooo.

I'm better without that. 

I can walk into a room as if I own the place while mentally dying because of the will to leave.

Anybody feel like me?

Another thing that's worse, is that I don't use my phone. Meaning it's basically useless to me. So I'm constantly bored. And a person like me gets bored easily so it sucks even me. Just let me go. Honestly.

I hate it. 

That's my rant for now and I'll add stuff later.