𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗦 ? (wlw)

⚘᠂ 𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗗

ellie grazer
| 𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗗 |
#. 021

"𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗧!" I exclaimed as I yanked the covers off of my body. Leaping into the air, I ran straight to the closet and put on the first pair of leggings I could find. I yanked a loose, brown t-shirt over my head, with the stages of the moon on the front of it, and tugged on a pair of ankle socks. I sprinted to the bathroom and did my teeth as fast as I could while peeing at the same time.

I didn't care about my hair and just put it into a crocodile clip while rushing back to my bed and grabbed my bag, that was sitting by my desk. I clicked my phone to see that the time was 10:25, my class started in five minutes. There was also an abnormal amount of notifications on my phone but I didn't have time to read any of them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I muttered as I dashed to the front door and pulled on my converse. Quickly, I looked back to the room and saw that Alina's bed was still in the exact same state that she had left it in before she left last night, meaning she hadn't come home. I couldn't dwell on it and had to forget about it as I hurried out of the door and quickly locked it behind me.

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"I'm so sorry I'm late." I ushered out while opening my professors door, trying not to sound to out of breath.

My professor halted his words and looked up at the clock behind him before meeting eyes with me again.

He sighed. "It's only been five minutes, come on. Take a seat." He gestured to the rows of seats and I nodded towards him while trying to avoid the staring eyes.

My social anxiety was through the roof now because everyone was looking at me. It wasn't even my imagination telling me that they were staring, people were actually looking at me. I didn't meet eyes with anyone and hurried to take a seat that I wouldn't have normally chosen. My palms were sweaty as I sat down and still felt eyes on me. I didn't know why people were that focussed on me for just being a little late but it was weirding me out and it was making my nerves practically sweat.

I took out all the stuff I needed and tried to catch up with everything that had already been written on the bored. It was hard to focus because I was hearing constant whispers. They were all around me, to the right of me, to the left, behind and in front, it was everywhere. People were actually looking back at me, they were going out of their way to stare at me and I was so fucking confused.

I didn't want to meet eyes with anyone so I kept my eyes on the board or on my paper but it was becoming difficult because eyes were just always on me. My heart started to race and I was beginning to feel panicky, why was everyone looking at me?

"Hey." I heard the slight mutter from right behind me. "Hey, Ellie."

I squeezed my eyes shut at the deep voice that said my name. My heart sunk for some reason as I turned around to look at him. He had some stupid smile on his face and was showing his teeth while looking back and forth between me and his friends, from the opposite side of the room.

"Is it true?" He asked me like I knew what he was talking about. I pulled a face. "Do you er- you know-" he cut himself off by stifling his laugh. I didn't have a clue about what he was talking about. "Are you a les-"

"Conner!" A loud bang from the professors desk sent me and Conner's eyes straight to the front of the room. "What is so important that you must share with Ellie? Tell the whole class, we're all quite interested." His voice was beaconing and he was eyeing us with a hard glare.

"Well, I think the rest of the class already knows, sir." Conner spoke, leaning back in his seat while the rest of the class tried to hide their snickers.

My eyebrows kitted and I looked around. Know what?

"Well, then in that case, you'd be comfortable sharing it." Professor Minow crossed his arms, testing the boy who'd disrupted his lesson.

Conner didn't say anything after that but I was hoping he did just so that I'd know what the hell everyone was laughing at. My gut started to hurt though and in that moment, I really did wish that I'd stayed in bed.

"Thank you." He didn't sound very forgiving as he went back into teaching Organic Chemistry.

I don't think I listened to anything throughout the class because I was too busy zoned out and collecting my thoughts. I tried ignoring everything that had been said but I just couldn't.

Know what?

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I left the class quite quickly, hurrying past people and down the steps. I just felt constant eyes everywhere I went. My next class wasn't till twelve and I didn't want to stay in the spotlight any longer than it already felt like I had. I left the room and walked down the hall, now outside and in the very centre of campus. As people were leaving classes, I still felt more and more penalised. Walking past groups was the worst because all I could hear was laughing every time I passed them.

I felt tears pricking at my eyes as I turned a corner and stood behind one of the brick pillars. I pulled my phone out of my bag and I unlocked it to see if there was anything on social media that had happened. I was trying to think logically about this all but I couldn't even punch in my password because the notifications had caught my eye instead.

I had messages from all kinds of people that I didn't even know but the thing that really made me stop breathing was the constant mention of the word 'lesbian', the word that was being directed at me. My heart was pounding as I scrolled through the mountains of messages. The next thing to stop my breathing was when I saw the missed calls from my family members. Then I saw the texts from my Mom.

I could only get through a few of them before having to pull my phone away. Her texts went from repulsion to disappointment. Then from paragraphs to short sentences. The part that really stuck out to me though was the part where she said that she was pulling me out of college and I was going to some place of religious bullshit. But it wasn't just that. If I was being honest, the only thing that really tore right through me, was when she called me a lesbian.

She fucking found out.

I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think, only punching in the digits of my password to try and figure out what the fuck had happened. I ignored iMessage and Instagram and clicked onto Snapchat as it was seemingly where I was getting most of my notifications from. I opened the first message on the very top of my screen, from someone I didn't even know, and read it.

The text was just laughing emojis from a video they had also sent me. It was a story of something and I clicked on it. Instantly, I saw Alina on the screen and frowned as I saw that the person had sent me her direct story. I put my volume up and listened, watching the screen with a face that slowly drained in colour.

She was completely drunk out of her mind and looked like she could barely stand. At first, I was concerned but my concern almost instantly melded into anguish. My mind had gone completely blank and every part of me crumbled into dust. I felt the stings in my eyes and stabbing pain of my heart as I became consumed with the urge to throw up.

She fucking outed me.

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