so•ber
/ ˈsōbər /
Not affected by alcohol; not drunk.
Everyone talks about the common effects of drugs and alcohol. The difference from being sober, drunk, or high. Sure, it's hard to stop drinking. Sure, it's hard to quit smoking. It's hard to g...
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"But I wish I was dead. Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you, I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side." - Lana ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I parked outside of the hospital, staring at the entrance doors. I left Jacobs. Willingly. He tried kissing me and I wouldn't have been able to touch my lips with his own without throwing up. I didn't want him. But with every step I took toward the exit of his house there was a stronger pull trying to bring me back. He grabbed my arm. I pulled away. He wrapped his arms around my waist, I winced.
"What are you doing?"
I'm leaving. I want to leave. I twisted out of his arms. He turned me around, cupping my face with his hands.
"Hey, it's okay. Me and you, only us. It's all okay."
None of this is okay. I shook my head and walked out of his arms. He didn't allow me to turn around and pushed me against the wall. I was tempted to scream. I stared at him. Do I want to leave? He wants me to stay. I should stay.
"I can make it go away. I'll help take the pain away."
He leaned in and I let him. I stared at his lips as they got closer. Stiles. Stiles. Holland, Stiles means more than this. I raised my hand, slapping his cheek. His face whipped to the side giving me the chance to push him off of me and sprint out of the door. I left. I was angry at myself. I didn't want to be.
But here I was, sitting outside of the hospital. I was scared to go inside. He deserves so much better than all of this. I bring him pain. I bring him so much more agony than I do joy.
I got out of the car. I walked through the hospital doors and I could've swore the entire ER was completely empty. I didn't hear the people that surrounded me and although I knew they were there, I couldn't see them. No one else was relevant at this moment. It wasn't important to see those around me. I had already been told Stiles' room number so I walked straight there.
Melissa smiled when she saw me. She had probably just checked on him as she was putting his chart away. I returned the gesture as I pushed open the door that led to Stiles. He turned around nonchalantly but the expression that was only on his face when he was overthinking dropped once he saw me. He was happy to see me.
"How are you doing?"
We both asked this question at the same time. Stiles laughed softly, "I'm okay."
"Me too." I nodded. He was okay, that was all I needed to know. I was going to leave.
"Holland?" I turned back around when he voiced my name. "You can stay for a little."
"I don't know." I mumbled, "Kayce might show up."
"You're not worried about Kayce." Stiles argued. I didn't respond. "What's going on?"
