STALKER

Chapter 23 - 15th June

Just a short Chapter...

I went flying back as the pain hit me. I landed hard on the wooden floor and slid into the bedroom wall.

.....

This is my first entry for a while. Writing in my little pocket journal feels strange. It's not giving me the pleasant buzz I normally get from opening my large journal to a fresh page and writing down the date. It will have to do.

On the surface it appears nothing is different and the week has passed uneventfully, parts almost felt normal. I caught up with uni friends for a game of cricket. Helped mum around the house with odd jobs, and tried to get into her good books again. I had a few shifts at the club, and where I expected to get teased by my mates about the Sarah/Weirdo incident, they all told me they found it hilarious, The story had gotten around with a few embellishments and suddenly I became a minor celebrity. I got twice as many tips as normal, so I wasn't complaining. The running gag was how much I charged for a kiss.

I finally had that D & M with dad. We met at his golf club, a quiet, mellow environment which was a blessing considering the timing. It was only a couple of hours after my jump and I was barely holding onto my sanity and running on autopilot. It was a one-sided conversation. I let Dad talk. I listened, at least pretended to. At the end of it, he said he appreciated me being so patient with him and letting him get it all off his chest. In reality, I think I barely heard a word.

Later when I was alone and had time to run through what he said, I felt bad for getting it so wrong. It never entered my mind while I planned the surprise that it would end up having such a profound and negative effect on him. It turns out he's furious with his mother, and unfortunately she isn't here to defend or explain herself. He couldn't see any reason why she kept his father's things hidden away when she knew not having a father was an issue for him all his life. Dad told me it would be a long time before he could forgive his mother. Personally, I thought he was being an idiot, she had brought him up well on her own, and up until he walked into that room he had no complaints. At the same time, he couldn't bear to look at his father's belongings either. He promised me he would, he just needed time. I wanted to give him a reality check about his pettiness in the larger scheme of things, but that was just me feeling bitter and twisted at the time.

As for the here and now....planning my next jump things are running smoothly. I searched for the appropriate currency, found it, bought it and it was on its way. I also made an impulse purchase, a little something extra, that my warped sense of humor couldn't resist. It took a while to find a destination target but persistence got me a result in the end. The next jump was all set.

More good news came in the form of an email from the auctioneers. My Rolex had been authenticated and listed online catalog. They had two small bids already, from buyers wanting to test the waters. They predicted a good price for the watch because of its remarkable condition. I just had to sit tight and be patient.

....

Although the world has been chugging along nicely, in my head everything is at a stand still. I walk around feeling empty. I know I'm in shock, probably depressed but who wouldn't be. I'd seen someone executed. I just didn't know what to do about it. The only person I could talk to was the last person I wanted to talk to. So I'm going on with my life waiting for something to turn the lights back on.

I haven't been back in that room for a week. The gun is still sitting on the floor where I dropped it. My journal is sitting behind the panel waiting. I haven't written up my last jump, I don't want to make it real. But I can't let this go on for much longer. I'm being a pussy. Granddad...fuck it JOHN!!!! has been roaming the house like a sad sack. Every time I look at him he makes me feel like crap all over again. I'm not angry with him or frightened. If anything, I feel sorry for him. I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling is a tiny fraction of the burden he's carried throughout his life and still does. Probably it's the reason he's here and hasn't moved on.