STALKER

Chapter 82 - 9th April, 2023

We had a dreary Summer, too much rain and not enough hot days where the only place to be was the beach. But the Autumn months are proving to be perfect, with cloudless blue sky and mild weather. At the moment I'm sitting in my greenhouse, a little piece of Eden. I've taken to writing up my journal here. It's become my quiet place. I put on some Adele for my plants, they're big Adele fans.  I take my time to process my days and put them down on paper.

I find it hard to spend time in my room the way I used to.  I've tried but I can't stay for long before the same thoughts start replaying. I would turn over thoughts of Weirdo...fuck yes Weirdo, not Peter.  What the fuck was I talking about, yes...Weirdo, John, Jules and Martin...frigg'in Martin and still find no answers. I can't concentrate.  I've been driven out of my favourite place to the greenhouse.

I was busy all day, going through the motions, checking my plants, doing paperwork, and carefully packaging orders to send off to customers. The day dragged on, extra hours added to the normal 24. 

The routine was broken when my old Boss rang and we had a long chat about this and that, the usual stuff, how the club was going, why don't I come back just a couple of nights a week. He says the same thing every time he calls to check on me. I admit that for the first time in months I was tempted by his offer. With there being no chance of bumping into Weirdo there's nothing to keep me away. I enjoyed working at the club, I might take him up on it.  He was chuffed to hear my normally straight-out ''no'' soften to ''I'll think about it''.

 I know it's the fact that Weirdo is going back overseas that's unsettled me. For all I know he's left already.  Logically the further away he is from me the better. I clearly remember how on that awful day, when my liking for him and John's hate flipped back and forth; and how the desire to kill him was strong and very real.  I wish I didn't send him into the garage.  

Learning to control my residual emotions is in its early stage.  Nana Ovia's meditation routine seems to be working.  It will take time to master the technique completely.  I practice putting them in little boxes in my head and packing them away.  It's a start.  I have no intention of stopping what I am doing, so it's a skill I need to stay sane.

The sunset was particularly nice today, so I stayed in the garden and watched the sky turn from blue to pink to black, surrounded by my favourite comfort food; a bottle of Mr. Black and a huge bowl of popcorn. All the lights in the greenhouse are on, it looks very pretty and on any other night I'd be happy with my own company but today my mind keeps wandering. I need a distraction from my distractions. I need an earthquake-style distraction of 9.0 magnitude. 

 I need.......to go visit my friend Gizelle or Marchese Alivse Contarini.

.....

Before that awful day when everything went south, I had planned a series of jumps to Venice. My idea, at that point, was pretty simple; make some interesting money-making purchases and after that was done; I would go back one final time and take Weirdo with me.  We would stay in some beautiful palazzo and enjoy an adventure together, explore Venice.   It sounds idiotic now even to me, like some sickly sweet romance novel troupe.  I wanted a mindboggling romantic destination for us to do the deed...finally fuck in other words.  I think at the time I was temporarily insane, so forget  I said any of that.   I sound so gay, dear lord.

After the incident,  I found myself returning to Venice anyway. I thought I might as well make some money.  There was something about the place that drew me back anyway.  Perhaps I lived there in a past life, nothing would surprise me these days.   On my first trip, when I met Gizelle at the café we agreed to meet the next day, at the palazzo she told me discreetly, she rented for meeting her special friends.  She told me at the time that she knew everyone, anyone who was anyone was part of her little group of like-minded young Patricians.  She had connections with the nobility, as well as the most influential merchants of the city, and offered to help me.  

I had no idea if she was full of shit or the real deal but Gizelle had me intrigued and I was up for anything.  I knew I was being reckless.  For all I knew she could be luring me to a robbers den, to have my throat slashed and pockets emptied.  At the time I just wanted to escape somewhere and not think about Weirdo.  I didn't realise that I was falling into another rabbit hole, this one bizarre even by modern standards.

Eight months on, at least a third of my jumps have been back to Venice.  Gizelle and her alter ego Alvise Contarini are now my friends, confidants and business partners.  Gizelle resuscitated my defunct plan to make a buck and organise a dirty weekend and has made me a fortune built over generations.  As far as they are concerned our friendship has lasted over 20 years.  We trust each other. I've watched them grow old.  They are as loyal to me as my brothers, and yet they have never seen my face, not once.   They are as alive to me as anyone in my own time.

My jumps to Venice have become a bit of a moral dilemma for me.  I've jumped back and forth in Gizelle's life too many times for me not to own up to being a stalker and mildly ashamed of myself.  It's a repeat of granddad, I just can't keep my nose out of other people's business.  I have saved Gizelle / Alvise from death twice, manipulated them, and manoeuvred them away from situations I knew were going to happen.  I've taken back  modern medicine when nothing in their own time could have saved them.  I didn't mean to play God with Gizelle's life, I hope that I was meant to meddle in their life.   I like to think of myself as a guardian angel more than a control freak bastard.  I told myself I would never alter history but that was until I met someone I cared about and whose future I could see was dotted with injustice and pain, and when I could easily steer them away from danger.   

My decision to stick my nose where it doesn't belong was made easy when I jumped back to a pre-arranged date with Gizelle and found that Alvise had been caught in a compromising situation with another man.  It was regarded as a crime of abomination by the church and both men were publicly hung in Saint Marks Square.   I couldn't stand by and let that happen.

.....

My second jump to Venice was on the 4th August.  The jump was to the same spot on Saint Marks' promenade at sunrise on the 26th of February 1721.  I was to meet by Gizelle's companion at 10 outside the Café Florian and taken to her palazzo for tea.  We were to discuss my future business dealings in the city, who I should be introduced to, who I needed to bribe, and in particular who I need to avoid.  

It was the day I first set eyes on  Il Palazzo di San Gabriele.