nhl imagines

memories, nathan mackinnon

Time was a good thing for you. It had been a couple of months since you and Nate broke up, you didn't sob uncontrollably, you didn't watch his games and just start crying anymore. You could actually function as a human being without him now. Time had been a healthy thing for you.

You could look through your camera roll now, seeing all the memories with him. You even smiled when you looked at them-remembering all of the good times between you two. A picture of you two laughing with each other at your one-year anniversary dinner. Nate took you to one of your favorite restaurants that night and JT happened to be there too. He took a picture of you two and sent it to Nate to scare him. You two were in your own world of love and happiness, with no other thoughts but each other. A month ago, you couldn't look at it-you couldn't bear to see how he used to look at you, so lovingly. It hurt so much because it was a reminder of how he didn't look at you like that anymore. Now, you look at it as a reminder that you had good times with him, but it needed to end.

A knock at your door made you exit your mind. It was pouring rain outside and you didn't expect anybody. You peeked out of the window next to your door, but you don't see anything. You open the door and suddenly time hadn't been good to you. Nothing had healed and you felt like crying all over again when you saw those familiar blue eyes.

"Can we talk?" He whispers.

You were sure that he didn't just say that, that you were dreaming about him being here. But you're not dreaming, he's standing there, soaking wet, looking sad and defeated because he crawled his way back to your house.

"Yeah," You whisper so quietly that you're not sure you even said anything. It's when he starts to walk forward that you realize you did actually say yes to him. But what was new about that, you could never say no to him, especially when he was standing on your porch looking like a wet dog.

He walked into your house, something you never thought you would see again. Something you promised yourself that you would never see again. But here you were, letting him walk right in because you were so enamored by him.

Please don't ruin this for me. Please don't make this harder than it already is. I'm trying to get over this, the rational part of yourself thought as you watched him walk in like he still was welcome here.

"What are you doing here, Nate?" You whispered, wrapping your arms around your body.

"What happened between us?" He slurred.

"Are you drunk, Nate?" You asked him in disbelief.

He ignored your question, "Answer my question," He demanded.

You closed your eyes, you knew exactly how this night was going to go. Just like it did every time, history repeats itself over and over.

"What happened, Y/N?" He asked, but a little bit sharper in tone.

Your jaw clenched, history repeated itself over and over. "Why are you doing this?"

"I just want you to explain why you think I did something wrong?"

You sighed, why was he doing this, you repeated in your mind. "Move on, Nathan, there's no point in going back into the past," You spoke equally as sharp as him.

"Just explain to me why you blamed us breaking up on me? How was it my fault?" He victimized himself.

You rubbed your forehead with your hands, tears starting to prickle in your eyes. You wanted him to leave, you wanted to go back to the couch and go through the happier times of your relationship. You wanted Nathan to stay in your memories, to stay in the past.

"God just fucking tell me Y/N!" He yelled at you, making you flinch.

"This," You finally snapped at him. "This is why we fucking broke up, Nathan. This is how our nights always ended, you fucking yelling at me. You traumatized me, Nathan, don't even try to victimize yourself," You yelled back at him. "I want to move on, I want you to stay in the past, but you keep coming back and hurting me."

The hockey player sat in silence, he didn't yell back at you, he didn't say anything back to you.

"I wish you would stay in my memories. To stay in the past where we can both move on." You calmed down after a couple of moments of silence. "We can't keep doing this," You sighed, finally letting your frustrated tears escape. You bury your head in your hands while you silently cry. "I can't keep doing this."

Nathan stumbles over to where you were sitting and wraps his arms around you. You turn around and bury your face into his chest. "I'm sorry, I don't deserve you," He thickly whispered, guiding you over to the couch and cuddling up against you.

"But here we are," You bitterly chuckle. Here you were, the same end result every time. Him comforting you after he was the one who hurt you. After all, he was the only person who could comfort you, even if he was the one who hurt you.

You fall asleep with dried tears on your face, he falls asleep with the one person he loves more than anything, but can't stop hurting. History repeats itself over and over. The same thing every single time-he yells and hurts you, you cry, he comforts you, you two break up, then two months later you welcome him back into your life and heart. It was hard to see an end when the beginning kept coming up.

No matter how hard you try not to make him mad, as hard as he tries to learn how to love you, the ending never changes. It will always end in heartbreak and destruction, but you keep letting him come back. And each time he came back, you would welcome him for as long as he wanted. Because you two could never let go of each other, no matter what you did to each other.

As long as he came back, you let him put his coat down and get comfortable. You let him infest himself back into your space, heart, and mind. The cologne that he bought when you were fighting makes its way back into your sheets. The memories burn your brain, making you regret every decision you make about him. But it was just another reminder of how you let him back each and every time.

You knew in the future you would be back on the floor, sobbing crying, because he took his frustrations out on you. You knew in the future that he would wrap his arms around you and apologize. You knew in the future you would be blankly staring at the wall, dried tears on your face and a hoarse voice.

And all you could say was, "I wish that you would stay in my memories."