Her last Breath

Friday/ Saturday.

Waking up now, doesn't seem so hard anymore. I feel like I'm going to school like a different person. I hope Sam hears my message. I feel like I only realised now that no matter what, everything goes back to her.
Everybody is so sick of me always talking about her, but how can you not?

I mean, if you loved someone at the point of them being your all. I mean doesn't matter how long it passes, she'll always be my ride or die. I hope I haven't missed my shot. I really hope she comes today to school.

I walked to school and when I got there I saw Luke near my locker.

"Hey mate" I said

"Hey dude."

"Seen Sam?" I asked looking towards her locker.

"Not yet..."

***( school day ends )***

This is so weird. Sam didn't show up at any class. I'm now walking home. I felt my phone buzzing. The caller is... Sam's mom?
She never calls me. I thought she was still at work.

"Hello?"

"Mike?"

She was crying and sobbing what the hell?!

"Hey, what happened? Is everything okay?"

That made her cry even more, she sounded so desperate.

"It's Sam..."

That made my heart drop.

"Is she okay?"

I'm no longer walking, I'm sitting at a bench and I'm basically crying.

"She's gone..."

What? NO NO NO NO. This cannot happen.

"What do you mean she's gone?"

I wasn't crying anymore. I was angry. This can't be over. I can't loose her.

"She committed suicide."

I hung up. I just ran. I need to see her. This can't be over. This must be a joke. I'm so mad, why dafuq did they take her from me? She can't leave me I need her.

I climbed the fire escape ladder to her bedroom. I got to the window of her room.

I saw her parents by the door crying, talking to a policeman. Two doctors hold up a stretcher with a... body. I saw rope on the floor, she hung herself. She was covered by a white blanket by I saw her arm laying out. Her soulless arm. Pale. Dead. She's gone. I'm never waking up to her texts, I'm never going to see her smile again. I've lost her. I can't be without her.
I couldn't see this anymore.

I ran back to my house, tears streaming down my face, creating new tear stains over the ones already fading.

As soon as I got to my room I fell to the ground and took out my phone. I'm shaking I can't practically dial Luke's number.

"Hello."

"Luke?"

My voice cracked. I can't even disguise.

"What's wrong Michael?"

Just the thought of her lifeless body in that rope just.

"She's gone."

"Who's gone?"

"Sam. She committed suicide."

And just like that, I was already gone too. The difference? My body still works. My soul is wherever her is.

I started to throw stuff and breaking things. I was at my breaking point.

"WHY DAFUQ DID YOU LEAVE ME? I LOVE YOU. PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING! ANYTHING! WITHOUT YOU I'M ALREADY DEAD!" I yelled out the open window and then a breeze came in and started to flip the pages of my English book, on top of my desk. As soon as it stopped I saw and on the page was a picture. It was a black and white polaroid of her with her video camera. One eye behind the camera and the other closed.

On the back other read.

"I'll never leave your heart."

She's still here. I just can't see her...
What if it was this pic for a reason? What if it's about the video camera?
What do I need to see there?
Wait... She didn't write a goodbye note. She filmed it. I need to see that tape.

*******************

*Saturday**01:00 a.m*

I can't even remember the shit I did last night. I drank so much that half of it is erased. But.I still need to see that tape. That's the only thing I know. The only thing I need right now is to see that.

I didn't eat or sleep. I climbed, once again, the fire escape ladder. I opened the window. The door was closed. The rope was still on the floor. I decided to not touch it. I grabbed the video camera from her desk and took out the tape. I looked up from the tape and saw a picture of her and me. It was about two weeks ago. My place. I took the picture. I know I shouldn't but. It's the last thing I have of her.

I went back to my house. Before leaving I just looked around. This might be the last time I come to her room.

Once in my room I prepared the tape and I was waiting, staring at my laptop. Not having the guts to press play. I know it's something I need to do but at the same time I can't do it.

It took me a while to do it but I finally pressed play. She was on top of a chair and with a rope around her neck. She had tears falling from her face. She didn't want to do it. But I guess she had to. I watched her say sorry and goodbye to everybody. Her mom, her dad, her siblings.

"... I'm sorry. Michael. I know I won't be there for you anymore but I just can't do it any longer. It hurts. I love you but I'm tired of having my heart broken. I no longer know what I feel. I thought you were my forever. I always believed in fairy-tales. I thought you were my prince charming. I guess I was wrong. You didn't let me down. Life did. I don't want you to feel responsible. Be strong and be safe. I love you dearly. I guess you were my forever after all. It's just that forever isn't as long as I thought. Goodbye. I'm sorry I loved you but I couldn't control myself."

And just like that it's over...

What happens when the sun leaves the earth?
Within a week, the temperature would drop. Within a year, it would fall to minus one hundred. People who didn't die of the cold would die from starvation. A sunless planet is already a dead planet.

So I'm already dying, even if I'm still going threw emotions. Without a reason to live what's the point?

There isn't.