Her last Breath

Last day

*1 week later*

I looked up from the stone that became my life, my home. I haven't left her side,  or what's left of her. Little did I eat for the last 5 days, even less have I slept.

People have tried to make me leave but they found it impossible, I'd die a thousand times before leaving her.

Sam's mom has never been kinder to me, she's the one that keeps me company, we talk for endless hours about Sam,  every little thing bout that girl that drove me crazy. As time passed I realised she wasn't coming back. 

I have read those letters graved on her stone at least a milion times but they never really hit me.

    SAMANTHA ABIGAIL CONNORS

    04/05/1998-16/03/2015

"May the colour of her eyes live forever among the memories of her loved ones."

Still, reading this for the infinith time, I have hope that I will still be with her and maybe I can.

I sat up on my knees, placed my palm over her name and wisper.

"My love, I'll be with you, I promise."

I got up and left. I walked without knowing where to go, I walked in the middle of the graves as names flashed by.

Where to go? Home? Or the place that used to be it. Our place? Or what's left of it.

I walked through town, people stared at me, I am now known as the boyfriend of the dead girl and even tho people try to be kind, I don't want their pity. At school, the people that used to bully her, now feel worse than ever and can't help but laugh at them.

 Now you regret it?  Sure I didn't do muh better but I tried to help, I really did, maybe it just wasn't enough. Maybe I wasn't enough.

I may live a thousand lifes, I may see a thousand miracles but none will compare to Sam loving me, that was my real miracle and even after all this time I still don't deserve her. 

As I walked I kicked a stone or two, standing on a curb I stared at that red light turning green then red once again. Mid day but the city looked like a desert, never have I ever seen this much sorrow upon this place I once called home. Home, family, it all used to be an unknown concept but now I'm adding lost to that list. I know exactly where I am but still, I seem to be lost, no trapped, in my own thoughts. I stand back as I fight myself, my mind broken in two opposite sides that never seem to be eye to eye. I felt the pouring rain hit my cheeks and for the first time in a while I felt, I felt it all. I felt the coldness, the anger and the pain building up inside my aching body.

"Maybe if you weren't so damn stubborn and told me you loved me I would still be alive."

The raindrops seemed to build up her image, her figure. My tears blended with the rain but I knew she was only on my mind. Nobody can call me crazy for talking to the rain because no one is watching.

"Maybe I was too coward to admit it. But now what am I supposed to do? I cannot live without you." she took a step closer to me.

"I couldn't either, that is why I killed myself." I took a step closer to her, we were now inches away