Her last Breath

Sunday

Today is Sam's funeral...
I can't believe this day is here. I have to drag myself out of bed to find an empty house, yet again. I don't want to go because I know this is the ending but at the same time I guess I just need a goodbye. I go to the bathroom and turn the shower on, I step into it making me shiver as the hot water hit my back. As I thought, all that came to mind was what if there's something, something more. There has to be something after life because then what's the point? Pain, adventure, why?

I don't understand how heaven works but I know that if that's where Sam is then it must be a good place. It'll take everything in me to not cry as I see her body, still, frozen in that coffin.
I heard a bang on the wall just as I was dressing, I lazily ran to the door opening it wide. It was Katie, Sam's sister.

"Hi Katie how are you?" I asked hugging her a bit, she has Sam's eyes.

"Hi Mikey... I don't have much time, I just wanted to give you this." She pulled a little metal box from behind her back and handed it to me.

"It was Sam's, I thought you should have it." She looked down and I dropped to my knees in front of her, she looked as broken as me.

"You went in her bedroom?" I asked and she looked like she was about to cry, she hugged me tight pulling my red hair a bit.

"I miss her so much Michael." She cried onto my shoulder.

"I miss her too." She pulled away and giggled a bit.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"This was her favourite color on you, she said it was like you were on fire." She pointed at my red hair.

"I loved her, you know that?" I was trying so hard to not cry, I bit down on my lips to stop them.

"I know, she loved you too." She pecked my cheek and ran away, leaving me with the metal box.
I got on my feet and got into my bedroom, I dropped the box on my bed, I debated a bit on opening it or not. I decided to open it.

I pressed my palm against it, feeling the cold contrast with my hot skin.
I opened it and there was a book, a journal. I opened the first page and it read: My diary.

At each page I read I realised it was all about me, her favourite memories with me, the day we met and at each page a picture of us. She wrote in the last page of the diary, in the day she died.

"Dear diary,
This will be my last entry, please don't ask why because it breaks my heart to talk about it.
You know by all I told you that I love Michael more than anything but now that he doesn't want me I guess I have nothing left.
Goodbye.
I love you Michael, now and always.

Samantha Connors.

And now?...
The diary is smudged with my tears and it's time to go and I'm not talking about the funeral.

XXX

I saw people enter the Church one after another, bumping into me. I stood in front of the building but I didn't have the courage to go in until I felt a hand intertwined with mine, I looked down to find Katie in a black dress and smiling up at me. I took a deep breath and walked inside with her. Anticipation build inside me with each step I took towards the coffin, between the two rows of benches. And when I got there...
Sam had her beautiful hair placed perfectly on her chest, a beautiful white dress, she looked so pale, so peaceful, yet so emotionless.
At her sight I fell to my knees, took my hand in hers, kissed her cheek and wisper in her ear.
"Always." And let a tear fall on her face making it glow more.
I couldn't watch anymore. I left Katie up there and sat at the front bench trying to contain my tears.
The people started to seat and Calm down as the priest got on the podium and started to talk.

"God's plans are uncertain but he must have bigger plans for Samantha Connors. Her passion for life grew too big and eventually just ended. A lot can define Sam but she was special and we will miss her forever. She's an angel now and she is happier now, watching us up there. Now some words from her best friend Michael."

Wait what?! What the fuck?!!!
I stood I'll and slowly up there. All eyes on me.

"I didn't really prepare anything so I'm sorry if this isn't exactly the best eulogy.
I remember the day I met Sam, I was walking in the park when I saw a little girl on the swings with two ponytails. In that moment I realized she would mean the world to me.
The way she smiled, laughed, even the way she looked at me, I loved all about her. All the little moments together that I will cherish forever. It's hard to realize that this happened. I always considered her an angel, I guess now she is a real one." My eyes betrayed me making tears fall as I walked back to my seat. I fell to my seat and waited for it all to end.
Time passed as I saw her mom and her dad speak. Now it was Katie's turn. The little girl walked up there and it broke my heart to see the little girl have to say an eulogy to her own sister.

"My big sister always had a big heart. She always liked to share her thoughts but only to paper. She was my hero, and as much as it hurts that she's gone at least now I know she is happy in a better place. I will now read one of her amazing papers.
'This world is confusing, the most fucked up I know. But it is in times of pain and need that we see clearly, we stop caring about rubbish and cherish our loved ones. We pray for health, money, stuff; while people are starving and praying for survival. There is no denying the pain among us, the only thing we may do is overpass our pain and try to relieve others. I have always believe that helping others eases the soul.
My body and soul are connected from the very first day til the last, future and past don't matter. God knows what'll happen tomorrow, we have to live while we can. Stop overthinking and live, stop holding back and follow your heart. It has never failed to amaze me what my heart can endure, although the limit will never stop being tested, maybe it is for the best, to just know your boundaries. The question I ask you is,
Will you let your boundaries define who you are?'
These words melted my heart the first time I read them and now all that is left to say is goodbye big sis. I love you." She finished. I was crying by now and it looks like I wasn't the only one.
I never knew she had this much passion. But god, that girl never ceases to amaze me even in death.
Death.
Weird concept huh?
How does it all end with just one freezing heart.

"My body and soul are connected..."
But my soul goes wherever your goes my love.
You know that.
Just like that the funeral is over and it's time to go home. I just don't know where home is anymore.