From the Other Side of My Bed

4. Chayton & The Candy

I wake up and find with my arm the empty spot where Chayton left.
He ended up sleeping over, and it was strange but nice.
He didn't try to have sex with me or asked for any type of job done.
Simply, he cuddled me to the point of suffocating me with his warm body.
I hate warmth.
I hate anything that involves heat, unless i'm in new york in winter time, then i'll need it.
But other than that, I hate it with a passion.
Somehow, some way, I managed to fall asleep.
And had woken up to an empty bed.
Who wants that?
I'm upset, but who cares, now I don't have to pretend to be peachy.
I walked over to the bathroom, and grabbed the makeup remover wipes and took off all the makeup I have, including my fake lashes and quickly threw water on my face.
I look at myself in the mirror, shrug and take off my shirt, together with my bra.
Then when I walk into the living room, there's chayton sitting on the sofa.
"The fuck? I thought you were gon-"
"Um, I can't hear you right now, you're way too hot right now." I shrug and walk back to the bathroom to put on my black t-shirt and bra. I also put my phone on my bra.
I walk back to the livingroom and Chayton is getting, apparently, some takeout he ordered.
It's 9:37am.
"I hope you like orange juice, i ordered you some." he doesn't even dare to look at me.
"Look, chay, i'm-"
"Not the biggest fan of it? Fuck."
"No, no. i meant to say that just 'cause you saw me half naked already doesn't give you the right to not look at me in the eyes. For christ sake, you saw my nipples."
"I know," he clears his throat. "They're amazing,"
"And?"
"I don't want to be disrespectful, you're a great good looking girl with an amazing body, i just didn't expect to see you like that... yet."
"Yet?"
I lift a brow. "You're never seeing me naked again."
"Why not? I thought-"
"Thought what?" I watched him rub his face, and then scratch his neck. "Thought what?"
"That when we fuck, I will see you naked."
I freeze.
I can feel the doom spreading through me and I step back frowning.
"I am not fucking you."
"Can i least ask why?"
"I dont have to have sex with you, bitch."
"Wow, wow." he throws up his hands. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, I'm just wondering."
I walk over to the kitchen and find my leggings on the counter and put them on quickly.
I can sense my body being triggered by the second.
"You should go now, with food and everything."
"Madeline."
"I said to fuck off or cops will show up."
He looks at me in disbelief, and I pull out my phone from my bra.
He gets the idea.
He stands up, and I step forward to show him no one is afraid of a bitch like him.
"I didn't mean to offended you." he says and walks out the apartment, i follow him behind and before i slam the door close, i yell,
"Go fuck your mother instead."

Ugh, now i'm left looking stupid, and hungry.
I order myself some takeout, it'll take twenty minutes to arrive.
It'll be better if I hop in the shower to wash out that bitterness of this morning.

-

10:30am.
I sit down on my bed.
With my takeout on the side and I'm still wrapped in a blue towel.
I look at my hands, at my long black nails, and reflect on how I'm a masochist.
Why do I do this to myself?
Always going out with any guy whom I find good looking but are complete bone-heads.
Then I remind myself why.
I was taught to always take any opportunity that's being given to me.
You'll never know if they're worth it or not if you don't try.
And that was what I did.
And this is hard to be honest with but, truly, I was just looking for my "one".
Not a soulmate, because I believe we have multiple soulmates in your life, so far I have had many. I clicked with so many people, only fell in love twice, but I didn't find quite the "one".

11:45am.
I hear knocks on my door.
After putting on my clothes, I walk over to the window and look out to see Maud standing there, with her eternal cigarette on.
"Hey, you!"
"What's up, baby."
I open the door and come outside as we decide to sit down in the chairs of my balcony.
She has brought a red cup with something inside, but I don't dare to ask. I pull out my wax pen and inhale quickly, for a long time, the smoke and blow it out as Maud stares.
"Rough morning?" she asks as she takes another hit of her cigarette.
"You have no idea."
"I saw a guy coming down from your stairs as I was jogging."
I look at Maud for a second.
She's really beautiful, with freshly dyed blond hair that falls short on her shoulders, has a few moles on her face and she's all legs, like a bar stool. She's wearing leggings and a peach tank top hidden in a warm beige cardigan. She has dior sunglasses on her head, too.
"I also heard you say 'go fuck your mother', what was that about?"
I shrugged, she shrugged, we continue smoking.
It's pretty outside, with my now x ray vision, I can see like never before the leaves of the tree next to my building which brush upon the walls and I can see small flowers forming in there, too. It's a quiet morning but a few of my neighbors are out walking their dogs, and the grass is so green. I rejoiced at seeing the blue sky with zero clouds outside, and the bright sun caressing the buildings one by one with its light.
After a while, i admit to Maud:
"He acted like he was entitled for sex."
"I thought you don't do sex,"
I blow out the smoke. "I don't."
"All men are like that, Madeline." I sighed.
"I know, I came to find out earlier than later."
From the corner of my eye, I see her adjusting her chair to face me directly.
"So now, can we talk about the dirty details?" her smile is devilish.
"Maud, there's no dirty details, for at least last night there weren't any."
"So why even bother with the guy?"
"I thought I liked him."
"You thought? Oh girl, you're worse than me."
"How?"
"I'm a prostitute, honey, so sometimes i have to have sex with people i dont necessarily like. But i love to fuck, i could fuck everyday, which i do, that's why you see me refreshed everytime."
And she winks at me, and it's a fantastic wink. "But you missy, you won't even fuck anyone, and force yourself to go through hand jobs or even oral and you suffer everytime. What's worse is that you try to like the guy!
Men are not to like, they are to fuck and go."
"Isn't that harsh?"
"Why, now you give a fuck about someone's feelings?"
"No."
"Then?"
"Just forget it, Maud." and I lay back down on my chair. "Let's talk about what you were doing last night, mmh?" she giggles and slaps my arm.
"You a naughty girl."
"I never denied it." I wrinkle my nose while smiling and continue to smoke.
"I was on a date with-"
"Why do you call them dates if you're just be fucking and going?"
"Because it sounds disgusting to say i get pay to fuck someone. I like to think about myself being freely able to enjoy my desire without limits, and getting a few bucks just as a complimentary bonus isn't so bad," She's right. "But they aren't a few bucks, miss dior."
I lean forward to grab her dior sunglasses from her head and put them on.
I pose and look at her. "Do I look expensive now?"
"Like a million bucks, baby." She laughs for a bit, but then she turns serious.
"Look, i know what happened to you was horrible-" I take off the glasses.
"You don't have to tell me anything Maud, really." she lifts up a finger to my face and says:
"You shouldn't use men to not be alone. You have me, you have that friend of yours, Jerome or whatever, you have your step mother and friends who love you."
"I get that." i say. "I get that you say that but I don't feel I'm loved."
"Okay," she stays quiet and waits for me to reply.
"Call it daddy issues or whatever but if my own dad doesnt love me, then who will?"
Maud thinks about this for a minute.
Silence.
We stay smoking until she blurs out:
"You are loved but until you love yourself-"
"I won't be fully loved. I know."
"Just know I love you, reckless girl." She scoots over toward me and wraps her arm around me, kissing me on the cheek as I try to run away from it all. "Ugh, you're like a cat."
"You still love me!"
"Very."
"So tell me about that date of yours."
"Well..."
-