From the Other Side of My Bed

30. Like Rapunzel

It took me a while to make friends in Altos de Barcenas.
Not because I didn't want them, but instead it felt they saw me as a curiosity rather than a person. Why? No one approached me. And I know I should have approached them but, I guess I didn't know how to make friends either. The kids there saw me oddly. To begin with, I dressed very differently, and was often heard talking in English on the phone, and also, I was really beautiful, it threatened the girls, and enamored the boys.
They all saw me exotically, and I know it because the first time I hung out with someone, it was when I went to buy avocados in the store in front of my house and the boy called me La Vecinita.
"The what?" I asked.
"La Vecinita, they all call you like that around here."
I couldn't contain my laughter that I was given the name of the song Plan B plays.
Was it because I danced to reggeaton while hanging up clothes in the rope lines?
Was it because I was always alone?
Was it because of my short mini skirts?
Who knows.
I just know that for a while I knew this info, but no one approached me.
I was always looked at. While passing by, and my hair dancing in the air, there was a line a people following my every move with their eyes. And they were often gossiping things. It was a rather large colony which surprised me who chismosos they were.
I wasn't the only one who was saw as a thing of desire, Socorro, who had the body of an old-time actress, and with cat like, green eyes, she pomerade herself very eloquently. Very effortlessly and people talked about how beautiful she was. I hate how she would diminish herself with comments.
She was rather extraordinary.


The first time I made friends there was when I sat outside to listen to music. My dad encouraged me to sit down there, by the margins of the house and socialized. Granted, there was many kids my age there, in front of my hood, socializing or playing soccer but I didn't know how to be a kid anymore.
I was ruined, remember?
I was in another level in life, sadly.
I no longer had the mind of a kid. And I bet it was a sad sight for my dad for many days I passed without friends. He always liked me having friends since little I struiggled a lot to have them.
Anyways I was outside, wearing my black tee and shorts with my timberlands, peeling oranges while listening to music. It was pleasant enough until I saw a basketball approached my feet. I took off my headphones and looked up at the group of guys who came over. No older than 17. They came jogging, apologizing for the ball and I smiled, shaking my head but no saying anything.
"Hello!" one of the boys asked. "My name is Octavio, my friends Jacobo and Chris."
He says and I look at the other boys and smile. "what's your name?"
"Madeline."
"Marilyn?"
"No, Madeline, with E."
"Oh, I'm sorry. You have an accent, that's why I misheard your name."
"It happens."
"I see that the virgin's house is finally occupied. The last neighbors weren't so friendly."
I laugh. "So, I'm friendly?"
He looks at me, then the floor before smirking and saying. "I think you're more than that."
"You don't know me."
"Well, if you want, you can come with us to the canchas de football since there's a game right now, and we can meet you better."
I shrugged and stood up.
I noticed the lustful looks they gave me since I was beginning to stand and while I pocketed my earphones away. But I didn't care.
Instead, I was excited to get out of the house.

We walk throughout the streets; with the reminding sunlight we have left.
Apparently, the football field was located by the entrance of the place, so we stop at the gates to say hi to someone known to the boys and then we entered the field.
They guided me toward the bleachers and to avoid a ball hitting someone, they placed a metal fence in front of the bleacher area, common in USA, weird in Guatemala but oh well.
I remember I stayed with the two other boys while Octavio went to shake hands with someone. For a moment, I looked around, and everyone was looking at me. I hid a small smile about this. I know its self-absorbed, but it really boosted my confidence to be desired. I don't know about other girls, but it gave me a sort of feeling about power.
For example, right now.
The guy who's shaking Octavio's hand doesn't focus on him fully, because all of his attention is focused on me. I don't know what they say, but the more I stay there, the more attention I gather. Some guys come to say hi to Chris and then just say to words to him then focuses on me and asking if I was really American.
I liked this avatar they've created of me, so I play along and say of course, American.
I like how if I stared into their eyes, they go speechless.
When I smile, they sighed.
When I walk to go sit down, they all gathered around me, asking and wondering things to me and now I understood what Scarlett O'Hara felt like.
But my target is this guy who Octavio talks to.
He's tall, dark and very sexy.
His body dripping sweat like no other, and to make it more appealing, he does a handshake to Octavio and jogs toward me. "Well, well,"
He looks at the boys next to me. "you guys done brought out from her castle Miss beauty over here."
I tilt my head to the side to look at him better, while I bit my nail.
"Do you have a name, or should we continue calling you Vecinita?"
"Why you named me that way?"
"Wouldn't you agree it being the most efficient of all names to call you?"
"And if I liked my regular name?"
"Which is?"
"Madeline,"
"Beautiful, as you."
"Thank you."
"I hope you're not offended by the nickname. We also called you that because you listen to Plan B."
"I didn't know I have stalkers."
"More like admirers."
I sit up and walk toward him, my fingers grabbing onto the fence.
"Is that so?"
"Yes,"
"What do you admire?"
He smirks, his eyes looking at mine. "let's say you don't wanna know."

Silence.

"So sad," I say softly. "I thought you've had balls."
And I walk away.

I hear gasps behind me, and I don't know if I played this out well but immediately when I'm about to leave, this stranger comes and grabs me by the waist and turns me around to face him. He's so strong, he leaves me speechless in his arms.
"Balls?"
"I thought you would have them."
"I have, want to see them?"
"Let go of me." And he does.
"Look I don't mean to offend you. I just thought you were truly a beauty worth to know."
"Yet you haven't told me what if the most admiring thing about me, have you?"
"Your eyes." I laugh. "My eyes?"
"They tell stories." He walks closer. "Stories I would love to hear."
"I'm more of a unknown thing, unfortunately. Now if you let me, I got to go home."
I turn my heel and start walking toward the exit.
"Madeline."

Silence.

"Yes?"
He follows behind. "Will you be staying a while?"
"In here?" he nods.
"Hmmm, perhaps. Why?"

"Then I'll get my chance with you foresure. Just know it."

I roll my eyes and turn away as I get catcalled by a passing car.
-

The virgin's house is relatedly really small.
The two master rooms were so small, only a bed could fit inside, and maybe a long, skinny dresser. It has a Livingroom combined with an area for the diner room and then next to it, there was a small kitchen. If you went to the patio area, you could only find our Pila where we washed our clothes (yes, no auto wash machine or dryer) and the storage room.
I liked the smallness of it. I wasn't a fan of grandeur or fancy; I liked it once in a while like anyone but never wanted to own it.
Plus I didn't care about homes.
I was young, I wanted every opportunity to leave home. I wanted to explore, I wanted to eat the world, and I did, I learned the routes to the main places in Guatemala I wanted, like La Sexta or the main capital or el Cenma.
I had made a beautiful life in despite of all the bad, and even then, I was prone to sadness in my happiest moment. I seek love, or what I thought was love, even if it was just specks of it. I needed to feel it.
Some days I would pray to God, asking him to please give me my fill out of love. I begged him for this with all the faith in the world and said if he gave me my fill out of love, I could die happy. I would not ask for anything else after it.
This was the deal I was willing to make with him, but God never listened to me.
Or maybe he wasn't ready yet to take that part of the bargain.

Then my dad started locking me up in the house as if I was a dog.
In my country, you lock the houses from the outside, not from the inside.
So, when I would wake up, and find myself alone, I would go to the door and try to open it, only to find that they left without me, and locked me in. I guess I understand that they would do this to avoid waking me up and avoid me maybe getting people inside or vise versa.
The truth is, slowly it killed my joy.

You see, I don't give a flying fuck about whoever read this and gets mad, my book, my truth and opinion:
I disagree that you should give iPhone, iPad, give internet and computers to your children at any age until they are more mature for them. Why? Look what happened to me. And later on my nephews.
In order to keep us quiet, input, our parents give us every device so we would forget the world and live in a daydream of fiction and when you realized, the day was over and I was in season 5 or jersey shore while texting my friends from U.S.A how lonely I was. It kills the joy out of adventure, or taking risks, or wanted more out of life. And I know, parents, its scary that your child is their own person and not your puppet that you can out away with stuff, so it keeps quiet and when you're ready to parent, you take our stuff away and force us out. Like why do you do it?
How can you hate us so badly?


Anyways, I would spend most days looking out the window, sometimes do my makeup and take selfies, my entertainment was my beauty for a while, but then I started to feel ugly. So I stopped taking pictures and began to turn on the tv and watched Acapulco shore and began stress eating. sometimes the neighbor boys would come talk to me and spend their time next to the window with me so I wouldn't be lonely.

"you're Rapunzel at this point," Octavio said, taking the petals off a daisy and giving me the rest to peel too. I smiled. "I do have long hair though,"

And we would laugh together until my parents came back in late hours of the day.
They would leave from morning to late at night.
I mean there was food at home and water but why couldn't take me with them?
Beyond me.
My dad even made fun of me, saying I was like a little dog waiting for them.

I was one, I guess...