Paul: Mike, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Mike, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jack: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.
Mike, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?
~~~~~~~~~~
Miles: *nudges Jack at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Jack? Wake up, Jack! Listen! They're sexless!
Jack: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
Miles: Know why I called you in here?
Jack: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.
Miles: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?
~~~~~~~~~~
Mike: I am going to need you to swear-
Jack: Fuck.
Mike:
Mike: ...swear as in promise.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mike: So, are you two dating now?
Miles & Jack: Yes.
Mike: Why?
Miles: I happen to find Jack very appealing.
Mike: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Jack.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mike: how did you even get in here??
Sean: Your window! Or as I like to call it, Sean and Jack's Door
Jack: I'm closing the window
~~~~~~~~~~
Sean: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Mike: This is a lie.
Mike: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Mike: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
~~~~~~~~~~
Evan, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
Mike: Evan, NO! That's what William does, and you don't want to be like them, do you?
Mike, opening a Kool-Aid: Drink this instead.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mike: where the fuck are we going?!
Sean: I'm taking you home!
Mike: THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO MY HOUSE!!
Sean: Ohh no not YOUR home. MY home!
Mike: >:0
~~~~~~~~~~
Paul: I'm out of vanilla extract, what should I do
Sean: You have vanilla ice cream, right? Just use that instead.
Paul: Oh yeah good idea. Thanks
Sean: No problem
Mike: I am sometimes left wondering how the fuck I EVER fell in love with you.
~~~~~~~~~~
Paul: What cake do you want? We have vanilla, chocolate, lemon, birthday cake, red velvet-
Mike: Red velvet!
Paul: ...Love, you do realize that red velvet is just chocolate, dyed red?
Mike: You do realize nobody loves you? I just had my second child at 38. Make the red velvet cake, Paulsen.
Mike: and the chocolate.
~~~~~~~~~~
sorry there's not much
