Burntout

Broken Space of Memories and Flames

Andromeda Claire Holloway

"Missing memories?" he asked as the fire seemed to rise and fall, like it was a living, breathing creature.

I looked at him, the blue light reflecting in his dark eyes as he gazed at me. Should I tell him, I questioned myself, doubt running through me. Yes, I should, because he might help me more than Theodore could. Not like I would willingly ask Theodore but he seemed to have a fair knowledge of my past. Except that he had had me thrown out when something from my past had occurred. Regulus seemed like a far safer option at this point in time only.

I sighed, and the fire, sensing my emotions, glowed softly like it was comforting me. Magic does follow emotions after all. Regulus was beside me now and he put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't meet his gaze but I instead said, "I've had missing memories ever since...I returned. Why do you think I didn't know why or how I hurt you because it's missing...everything past Theodore's proposal to me. No memory of ever knowing you or having this power." I flicked my hand in the air and the flame floated upwards before falling back into my palm.

Oddly enough, I didn't feel alarmed by the fire or being able to control it and by the pain in my head, it gave me a faint clue that this was one of my missing memories. It had to be because Regulus was one of them and I hadn't gotten a headache today since the resurfacing of the picture, the one I still couldn't wrap my mind around nor the nickname he had given me. It's in the past, I reminded myself, forcing down the small, nagging feeling of wanting it to be in the present, just for a mere second.

That couldn't happen. I can't allow myself to think like that.

Regulus began in a flat tone, "You didn't stop Theodore from stabbing me, nearly letting me bleed out and die. You don't understand, you could've stopped him, he would've listened to you because you're too precious to his plan."

The fire grew brighter as a feeling of anxiety rolled through me, "Plan?"

"Damn it," he cursed. "Andromeda, you're not supposed to know this."

"What is it?"

"Theodore is...using you. As weapon. Against the other kingdoms. You're a pyrokinetic, obviously, but the strongest one in history because of something your mother figured out. He has a plan to force you to do something and has allied himself with someone. The person from the letter I intercepted...it was a code name."

Shock rolled through me, and the flame sitting in my palm grew taller. I searched his face to see if he was lying but his expression was a genuine aching look, "Y-you're telling the truth?"

He nodded grimly and I felt my stomach sink. My mind flashed to the dream of the blue flames and the slumped figure and I allowed myself to wonder if I was the one who had killed the person. I had conjured those flames. But why would I kill someone?

I sensed he was leaving something unsaid and I remembered his comment about Theodore, how he needed to have a 'talk' with him. I looked at Regulus and he looked away, a form of guilt showing on his face. I put it together and quietly said, feeling a part of my heartbreak away, "You're only coming with me so that I can give you a free pass into the castle."

Why? Why should I care? Why should I feel this way because all the words Regulus had said to me, the way he had put his arm on my waist as we hung on the cliffside, the way he had opened up; were all fake? No, I shouldn't.

I battled with my thoughts and the fire, taking a form of its own, became a wisp and wrapped itself around me as my thoughts spiraled won further. They're both using me, Theodore, and Regulus. Why Theodore? Had he only come back into the other world to use me as a pawn in his stupid war. What about Regulus never cared for me, he only did those things to gain my trust. He wouldn't care if I was dead. It was all a lie, wasn't it?

I shouldn't feel betrayed by someone who I never had feelings towards.

Except, I do.

I realized I was enclosed in a circle of flames, blocking me from Regulus, who was still sitting there watching me battle my thoughts about him. I scolded myself for ever caring, for allowing him to hold my hand, for listening to what he said even though I know I shouldn't care. I shouldn't but I did.

And that's what hurt more than anything.

Don't open up to anyone, was the thought I had drilled into my mind when my mother had died, said a distant memory. But along came Theodore, at the time, and now Regulus.

Why do I feel scared of loving someone?

Because they're going to betray you and leave you broken.

That's the truth.

"Andromeda? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." his gentle voice broke to the words running in my mind and I shook my head, feeling tears slipping down my face. The flames rose higher, blocking the sight of him from me as I felt my insides knot and unknot.

"Please, please just go," I whispered, feeling my heart break into a million pieces. How many times can a person be hurt before they're gone forever, a simple wisp in the wind?

Regulus' voice spoke again and I tried to silence it, wanting it to leave me in my broken space of memories and flames, but it said, "Hate me all you want but you're never going to get across those mountains without me. You can't enter into Riseria by walking over the mountains, there's a curse set upon it unless you have Thalor blood."

"I don't care, please leave me alone, please." I felt my voice break, tears falling quickly now.

"You're going to wander alone on those mountains forever unless I help you."

The flames fell down slightly and I met Regulus' gaze. I didn't want them to fall, I wanted them to stay up and keep me from him, keep me from his witchcraft-filled eyes and careful smile, his cunning laugh and smooth voice, keep me from his hands that smoothed a lock of my hair from my face as I slept.

"Give me a chance to make this right," he said, reaching out to me as the fire dwindled down, blue flames ceasing.

I kept my voice neutral, "You get me across the mountains, I'll get you inside the castle. Then, we're done and back to being whatever we were in the dungeon. This never happened."

That's it, I did it.

It hurt...

______________

A/N:

I have 0 self-restraint but the better for y'all, my Ravens! I honestly love this chapter because we get a tiny glimpse of our darling Andromeda confronting her feelings, don't we? (You totally deserve him after this, Leah, lol)

Now I'm definitely holding back for the next chapter, especially because I need to get out of my reading slump as well. 

Because I just read the Hunger Games  I want you to tell me honestly- Team Gale or Team Peeta Bread because I need to kill all of you Team Gale people!! :) Or, stay neutral and mourn Finnick Odair's freakin' death with me!

Love y'all (Except if you're a Team Gale)

-Rae