Burntout

Nothing

Andromeda Claire Holloway

"A curse?" I whisper, feeling the blood drain from my face. A voice in the back of my head told me that he was hiding more than he was letting on but I quickly silenced it as I searched his face to see if he would tell me more.

His eyes flicked to mine before he dropped his gaze, "Being a pyrokinetic is a curse, a curse brought on by one of your ancestors. I don't know anymore but it's mentioned in one of the ancient history books about Thalor. It was a very significant event but... almost all records of it were burned."

I'm cursed.

Not just with having the wrong men fall into my life but no... there's so much more of my past I don't know about.

And I probably never will because my mother's dead, my father missing, and I have no clue about who other relatives are or where they are.

Because I don't know why I keep hoping for something to pull me into this world, to tell me that I shouldn't just give up and let myself go, lose myself to the bottle as my father did.

Sometimes I cry because I'm tired of never being good enough, not for anyone who I've ever cared about to stay in my life, not for myself, really...

I'll be okay. A lie can only go so far, especially when you're tricking yourself.

I think that life is really just lying in bed at night and hoping, hoping that you will fall asleep before you fall apart.

Because sometimes, life is too much. Too much to handle, too much to feel, too much to be expected from. But I think it hurts to get to the point where I'm at, to feel like everything is piled on far too fast.

I just...

I need someone to take all of this weight from me.

I'm cursed, I'm broken, and I'm betrayed. Is there anymore to add?

Tears were falling faster down my face, silver lines dropping into the surging fire surrounding me. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted nothing more than to have my heart stop, on this cliff, with the person who had betrayed me watching so that I wouldn't have to feel these emotions anymore.

I feel so much that I feel nothing.

The flames were violently shifting emotions, wrapping around me, becoming a towering wall, and now falling still into a circle around me. They could express my feelings better than I could ever. The same anxiousness, worry, frustration, and anger were a part of my daily life now, the only emotions I had felt in the past several weeks and the only ones expressed by the flames. I was fine with it.

Yet, a small part of me wanted to see what happiness looked like. An image from my memory surfaced of Regulus and I dancing in the ballroom, streaks of blue fire intertwining between the two of us. Was that what happiness looked like... and felt like?

I quickly pushed it away.

I steeled myself, pushing the rest of the memories that were flooding into my mind out of the way. Looking at Regulus, I saw his eyes were slightly glassy and his eyes twinged with an emotion I couldn't tell. The entrance gaped behind him, the one I had opened with my blood and my curse and I took a step towards it.

Face Theodore.

Get Regulus in the castle.

Run far from this place.

And pray for all these feelings to go away. All for the better.

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