The Names We Shed

Chapter 21- We might actually win

Chapter Playlist- One Woman Army- Porcelain Black, Legends Never Die- League of Legends I Miss the future- Lost Kings, Jordan Shaw,

Kalan-

I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She stops talking but she doesn't leave me. It's almost as though she knows that something in me is breaking. I can feel it. The whole world feels like it's shoving down on me, pulling the oxygen out of the air.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

I take a deep breath, then another. See? I'm fine. I tell myself.

Another scream brings my attention back to my father who looks like he's been through a war in a matter of minutes.

Should I have let her...

I reach and touch the bite scars that cover my own shoulder.

Does he deserve..

No. I can't question that. He deserves to die for what he did to me.

I unsheath my sword and fly over to him, sword raised.

Within a blink, Gwyn is in front of me, arms raised. No weapons, no shield.

I stop. "What are you doing? I want to kill him! He deserves to die for what he did to me! Don't you get that? Not everything is about you! Let me kill him!" Tears threaten to spill out.

"You can't use that sword." She stated and handed me a different one.

I look down at her sword, it's heavy. Too heavy. I can't lift it.

"What are you doing? Why can't I lift it?"

"Because you don't want to." She whispered.

I watch as the sword drops out of my hand. "I- I-"

"It's okay Kalan."

I let her wrap her arms around me.

And for the first time in a long time, it doesn't feel like I'm drifting through a sea of events and moments, it feels like I'm here.

"I- I don't-"

"You're safe Kalan."

"Where- where's my father?"

She changes her position so that I can see him, hundreds of feet below, Valerie holding him.

"I couldn't kill him..." I said, disbelief edging into my voice. "Why couldn't I kill him?"

"You're having a hard time associating him as the reason you went through all of the pain, in some ways you're blaming yourself for what happened. Until that changes, you probably won't be able to kill him."

"Fenca said that you killed your mother."

"That's how Valkyrie are raised. We have to fight our friends and our family until we don't hesitate before making the kill, it's just how we have to be. Otherwise a fae shapeshifter could stop a Valkyrie or a corrupted Valkyrie could cause major issues. We recognize that it's our responsibility to take care of our sisters and if they... fall away, we might not have a choice. In those situations, you can't afford the half second hesitation, because the person you're fighting won't hesitate."

I took Gwyn's hand and held it to my chest. "Someday you'll have to tell me what all happened at your trials and your sisters."

She froze for a second, clearly not expecting that. "Okay." She muttered.

We rejoined the others and none of us acknowledged my father, who remained bound and silenced for the rest of the trip.

The city of Jurlie fades into view, its tall buildings glittering in the sunlight.

We land on the outskirts of the city and begin the trek to the center, seraphim and fae alike gave us strange looks.

Gwyn's thumb traced circles on the back of my palm. I look up at her, confusion crossing my face.

"Sorry." She whispered, dropping my hand and blushing.

I take her hand again and give her a soft smile. "No it's okay.. I just wondered if you were nervous."

"No.. I mean a little but not more than normal. It's just what I do when I feel... not present... it's how I ground myself."

"Then why are you tracing my palm?"

She shrugged. "You looked a little lost, I thought it might help."

I open my mouth to reply but she cuts me off.

"We're here."