eternal flame | tartaglia x reader

Chapter Seven

"What the hell Ajax? Do you want to wake up everyone in the neighbourhood?" you sighed once he stepped into your bedroom.

Ajax doesn't apologise, or show any sign of remorse. He only stares at you with his empty, empty eyes, slanted in a frown.

"My parents are fucking sending me to the army," Ajax hissed. "Sorry if I don't give a shit about whether your Mama gets her beauty sleep or not."
The comment has you taken aback. Ajax was never this mean.

"I know," you replied. You're putting in every ounce of self-control you have to keep a calm demeanour. The last thing you want is for Ajax to notice how much his behaviour is upsetting you. Though a small voice in your head tells you that he probably wouldn't care even if he did find out how badly his words hurt, he wouldn't care.

"Why aren't you more upset then?" Ajax's frown deepens. "You should be just as pissed off as I am! I didn't do anything wrong and I'm being punished like this?"

"You didn't do anything wrong?" Your voice is as cold as ice. "If you didn't do anything wrong, then what happened at the market, Ajax? What could those harmless vendors who we have known all of our lives done to deserve getting beaten half to death?"

Ajax freezes for a moment before his face morphs into an expression that you can't quite read.

"You don't understand, that's all I know now. It's all I have"

You don't know if Ajax is referring to the fighting, the mindless violence or lying to your face. You can't help but let out a dry laugh as you contemplate the last option. Was everything always a front with Ajax? Has he just been hiding his true nature for this long? Ajax shoots you a glare as you laugh humorlessly, taking a step towards you.

Again, without even thinking, you take a step back. It's like your body can sense the feeling of danger coming off of Ajax, and responds on its own.

"You don't understand," Ajax repeated. "You know what, you'll never understand y/n. You've always had everything and the only good thing I had was you. When my father hit me, I wasn't just taking the blows so my mother didn't have to, or so my siblings would be safe, I was taking them for you. I thought, if I could get a little stronger, if I could bear this, then maybe I'd be strong enough for you!"

You don't dare to do so much as let out a single breath. If Ajax was speaking loudly before, he's yelling now.

"But now, now that I'm stronger than anyone else, I'm still not enough!," Ajax pulls at his face, at his hair, he's so angry, so loud. You can't hold it back anymore.

"I can't even recognize you anymore!" you screamed, and the words taste like venom in your mouth.

There's a beat of silence, and Ajax freezes in his place.

"You can't recognize me?" he asked. "You don't know who I am? I don't fucking either, y/n! I don't know who I am!"

Your bedroom door swings open, and you finally remember that you aren't alone in the house. Your father steps in with a furious look on his face.

"Get the hell out, Ajax," your father seethes. "Don't come back."

Ajax leaves the room without a word, and a heavy silence fills the room. What were you supposed to do now?

You don't see Ajax for the rest of his week that he has left in Morepesok. There was some part of you, some small part that still held out hope. Hope that Ajax might knock gently on your window one night, might apologise and take back everything that he said. The Ajax you always knew, the Ajax you grew up with might come back with fire behind his eyes and reassure you that he's okay now, that everything is going to be okay.

Sadly, dreams do not often reflect reality.

You don't get words of remorse or apology from Ajax. You don't get any words at all.

For a week, you're left to suffer from the venom he's injected into your blood, the manipulation, the lies, the anger. And you know it's just that: words from anger.

But hearing those words from Ajax, experiencing Ajax lose control of everything because of his rage, has shaken you to the core.

You're angry at Ajax, no doubt. His behaviour is inexcusable, and you think that even if he did pull together an apology, you wouldn't be ready to forgive him fully yet. But above all, you're scared for him. You know that serving the Tsaritsa in any capacity is seen as one of the highest honours that one can have, but the Fatui is still well, the Fatui. Their reputation doesn't come from being the friendliest army in Teyvat, and a fourteen year-old joining their ranks (even as a training recruit) is practically unheard of. Ajax is (suddenly) a strong fighter, he's more than proved that over the past few weeks, but you've just about thrown up the contents of your stomach more than once just thinking about some of the enemies he might face. Mentally, too, Ajax obviously isn't in the best mindset right now. Joining the Fatui is either going to fix him or break him completely.

You can only pray to the Tsaritsa herself that it won't break him.

Before you know it, a full week has passed, and your parents are asking you if you'd like to say goodbye to Ajax before his father takes him into town to leave. Obviously, you do, so you put on a brave face and head over to Ajax's house.

You find yourself seated in his living room, with both of your parents seated far away enough to not hear your conversation, but not far enough for Ajax to try anything without them interjecting.

"I just can't believe they actually let you come over," is the first thing Ajax said to you.

"What?" you asked.

Ajax sighed, "I haven't been able to see any of my younger siblings in a week now. Hopefully the Fatui will feel less like a prison than my house does right now."

You don't know what to say. How can he be so nonchalant about this?

"Take care of them, okay?" Ajax said.

You nod, still silent.

"I'll get stronger, y/n, just see."
Your jaw almost drops. He's still talking about that?
"That was never the issue, Ajax." you finally spoke. "To me, you were always the strongest."

Ajax only shrugs, it's obvious that he doesn't believe you. One last time, for old time's sake, you suppose, you grab Ajax's hand and interlace your fingers with his.

"You'll write to me, right?" you asked.
"Sure," Ajax replied.

At that moment, it was like nothing had happened over the past few weeks. It was just another afternoon at Ajax's house, another lunch with both your parents. Another memory to look back on and smile about later, just another intimate moment shared with the boy you've grown up with.

"I love you, 'Jax" you whisper, squeezing Ajax's hand a little bit tighter. "My window will always be open for you."

Ajax nods, and you only see the way his eyes are shining with tears for a moment before he turns his head away.

"I love you, too," he replies, voice thick.

You've heard that voice so many times, you know he's only a few seconds away from bursting into tears.

As if on cue, your parents tell you it's time to go home. And you agree with a nod and a smile. You turn away from Ajax before your tears can spill over as well. You don't want your last memory of him for a while to involve this much tragedy. You don't look back, not until you're back home and your tears have turned into sobs, your sniffles have turned into wails. He's gone now, he's really gone.