eternal flame | tartaglia x reader

Chapter Nine

As much as you don't want to open that window- you really don't want to, you find yourself unlatching it anyway. It's probably more muscle memory than anything else, you tell yourself as you're met with dull blue eyes.

"Hey," Ajax said as he swung his legs in through the window sill, much longer than they were last time he stepped into your bedroom. There's a flash of a memory, a moment that makes you recall the night that you fought with him, standing in this same room, this same position. You can't help but flinch at the memory, those wounds are almost four years old now, but some scars will never disappear completely.

"I'm sorry," Ajax confessed, he can probably sense how uncomfortable you are right now. "I should have apologised before anything else earlier today. I just got caught up after seeing Teucer all grown up."

Ajax takes a few slow steps around your room, glancing at the books, the drawings, the painting supplies scattered everywhere. You can't hope but wonder what he's thinking, what he thinks of you now.

"Sorry for what?" you asked instead, not ready to voice your real thoughts.

Ajax sighs and takes a seat on the edge of your bed, "Everything, I guess."

You take a seat beside him, sighing as well, "I was really hurt, you know."

"It got really... busy I guess. I really didn't even have time to write to my family, believe me. Don't tell my parents this, but I usually just have one of my subordinates buy them gifts to send with the money," Ajax admitted. You can't help but feel like he's holding something back in his explanation. When you turn to catch a glimpse of his face, his expression is a combination of guilt and sheepishness.

In any case, Ajax is going to be gone tomorrow, and even if you don't really forgive him, this is probably going to be the most closure you'll ever get on the matter.

"It's fine Ajax, I understand. I've been busy, too. How'd you manage to finally get some time off anyway?" Out of the corner of your eye, you see him wipe underneath his eye. "Are you crying?" you asked.

Ajax lets out a wet laugh, "Sorry-fuck, this is pathetic. It's just been a while since someone's called me that."

You don't understand, turning to face Ajax fully you asked, "Since someone's called you by your name?"

Ajax nods silently, and before you have a chance to think about what you're doing, you're lifting your own hand to his face and wiping away a tear as well.

Ajax grabs your hand with his own, and you can't tear your eyes away from his, a muted blue that's glistening from the tears. Your eyes dart down to his lips- only for a split second- but it doesn't seem to go unnoticed. Ajax is leaning in, you're leaning in- and fuck. Fuck. Fucking Maksim.

You pull back and keep your eyes glued to the ground. You can't bear to look at Ajax's face right now. "I'm sorry, I- I have someone now."

Ajax lets go of your hand and rubs at the nape of his neck, "No, I'm sorry. I'm the fool for thinking that the most gorgeous person in Morepesok would still be single."

You can't pretend that your heart doesn't skip a beat at Ajax's flattery, like you don't wish that you could forget about Maksim, forget about the stability that he offers. Sitting beside Ajax in your bedroom again, it's like you can finally breathe for the first time in four years. Even from this short encounter, it's evident that Ajax's once boyish charm has matured into something more refined. His once cute features are now undeniably handsome, he's a smooth talker and he's confident. He's always owned a part of your heart, but he would be anyone's heartthrob now.

During your moment of essentially, swooning, over Ajax, you catch a glance at your clock.

"Oh my god, Ajax, it's going to be your birthday in twenty minutes." you said. "We have to do something. Got any big wishes for your coming-of-age?"

Ajax holds his hands out in front of him, glancing at them for a few seconds.

"Let's go ice fishing," Ajax said, flashing one of the widest smiles you've ever seen.

In just over fifteen minutes, you're seated on a low stool, gripping a fishing rod as Ajax cuts into the ice. You doubt that there's going to be any fish caught right now, but you both know that this fishing trip isn't really to fish. It's to have some sense of closure. You grip your pocket watch in gloved hands as Ajax finally pulls a stool up beside you. With your other hand, you intertwine Ajax's fingers with yours, resting your head on his shoulder. The clock hits midnight.

"Happy birthday 'Jax," you whispered.

It's moments like these where you wish that you had a canvas to capture the moment. Even so, you're not sure that even the most talented painter in the world would be able to capture the complexity of what's happening right now. Sure, visually, it would be stunning. The wide lake, the dark sky, the moonlight that illuminates Ajax's eyes. Your gloved hand, tracing the thick calluses and deep scars on Ajax's palm.

But there's so, so much more. The silence between the both of you, loud but comfortable. The beating of your heart in your chest, the shaking of Ajax's hands that you're pretending not to notice.

There's years of history and years of suppressed emotions, unsaid confessions, being swept up by the wind and dispersed into the night. It's the ending to Ajax's adolescence.

Eventually, the cold becomes too much and you both retreat back to your bedroom.

"You asked why I finally got time off. It's because I got a big promotion," Ajax confesses once you're both laying on your bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling.

"Really? That's great," you reply. You mean it. "Is this new job gonna let you come home more often?"

Ajax coughs, "The opposite, actually."

You feel a stab of disappointment at the bottom of your stomach. "Your siblings really miss you, you know. You're kind of their hero."

It's the truth. Tonia, Teucer and Anthon really admire their brother more than anyone else does. Who wouldn't, he sends home the newest toys and letters with the coolest stories. He's protective and successful and provides for his family. As much as you've resented him for so long, you can't help but admire him as well.

"I miss them too," Ajax sighs. "I miss you, I miss my parents, I miss all of Morepesok every day. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't in so deep."

You can't remember the last time Ajax spoke so openly.

"Am I allowed to ask?" you say. If Ajax is deep into the Fatui, about half of his knowledge on well, everything is probably classified.

"I wish that I could tell you more. About everything." Ajax says. His voice is quiet, timid. Honest.

It's well past midnight now, and you can feel your blinks slowing down as your eyelids grow heavy.

"Well," you stifle a yawn. "If the Tsaritsa ever needs a new portrait done, refer me and I'll buy you a good meal."

Ajax chuckles, it's low and melodic, "For sure, y/n."

You let your eyes close now, exhaustion from all that's happening today finally catching up. There's a good few minutes of silence, before Ajax speaks again.

"Thank you. For always keeping your window open for me."

Sunlight floods your room the next morning, waking you up earlier than usual. When you look around your room, you're alone once again.

A/N:
This is the end of the first arc! All support is appreciated! Thank you! I hope everyone will continue to enjoy the story as it progresses further!