Xiao X Reader [A Fragment of My Memories]

[12] Lingering Warmth

"Restore order through slaughter. Purge evil through battle, to this we dedicate our lives."

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It was getting late, and everyone was fast asleep. Well, everyone except for you. Here you were, wandering around aimlessly in the inn, thoughts muddled with what you've read from the book. You paced around restlessly, frowning deeply in thought. 

'To think he went through all that...'

A heavy feeling has weighed down on your chest since you put the book down. It was strange, nothing like the normal feelings of sympathy or empathy you've felt for others. The feeling was much stronger, as if your very soul was crying for him. 

But why? You've only known Xiao for a short while... right?

"...What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." A familiar voice breaks you off from your trance. 

Your breath hitches as you jump from your spot. With widened eyes, you look ahead to see Xiao's confused eyes staring back at you. 

'Huh? What am I doing here?' You frown in confusion, before looking around to see that you somehow wandered your way to the rooftop balcony. 

"Xiao...?"

"What's the matter? You're teary-eyed." Xiao furrows his brows, before looking you up and down. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

'Me? Teary-eyed?' You blinked a few times, seeing your vision blur a little from the tears. "Ah... no, I'm not hurt, Xiao." You look down at your feet. The heaviness on your chest was still there. 

Xiao raises a brow. "Then what's wrong?"

"Just..." You take a deep breath, enough to raise your shoulders by a lot. After wiping off the newly-formed tears, you looked him in the eyes. "Xiao, listen," you start, almost glaring at him as you lean closer to his face. 

Taken aback by the serious look on your face, Xiao takes a step back. "(Y/N)?"

"I know you've lived for very long, and there's probably not much I can do, but..." You grabbed him tightly by the shoulders, almost shaking him with the way your hands trembled. "If you need anything, anything at all, you can ask me! I'll... try my best to help!"

Xiao widens his eyes, seeing the panicked look on your face. Carefully, he takes your trembling hands off his shoulders, feeling how cold they were through his gloves. 'How could I possibly burden you? After everything you've...'

"Why are you telling me this? Did something happen?" Xiao asks, squeezing your hands tighter in an attempt to give warmth. 

You shook your head. "No. I just... read a book about the yakshas, and it just made me sad for some reason."

He sighs. "I see. You must mean that piece of literati fan fiction from a few hundred years ago."

'It wasn't anything too serious, then. That's good.' 

You squeeze his hands back. "There was a new guest earlier who asked me to read up on it, and I got curious, so..."

Xiao furrows his brows. 'Rex Lapis spoke with her?'

But before he could ask you more about this guest, he notices you looking down at the ground. Your hands were still as chilly as ever, and they trembled ever so slightly. 

"I don't understand..." Xiao looks at you worriedly, leaning forward to try to see your face better. "Why are you so troubled by it?"

You look up at him with widened eyes. "Why? I mean... isn't it unfair for you?"