Unrequited Love

Chapter 25

  That night I cooked dinner for Ren, who sat across from me at the dinner table awkwardly staring down at the pasta I made for the both of us. "Are you going to eat?"

"Yeah" She said as she started playing with her food, "You didn't have to make dinner, we could have ordered take out."

"It's fine, I like making food for you" She didn't respond, "How's your work? Usually you're always working."

"I still work" She finally took a bite out of the pasta, "Where do you live now?"

"In Soho, I got a good deal on an apartment." There was a long pause, "Ren, Why didn't you call me when you were going through all of that?"

"All of that?" Ren sounded agitated, "Trying to kill myself, all of that? Was I suppose to call you ? Tell you that I tried to kill myself, so what? So you could save me?" Ren laughed.

I felt annoyed, "You know" I sighed, "It isn't so bad, asking for help."

"You just looked so happy without me, I couldn't bring you back into my life."

"You saw me?" I confusingly asked.

"Yeah, I did." Ren drank some of her beer, "Last December, I saw you at the bar with what it appeared to be your girlfriend. You two were sitting at the table across from where I was. She was smiling the whole time and laughing, looked like you two really hit it off."

"I don't know what you want me to say Ren, that I hit it off with her? You're right? Yeah we had some good times and we had a fine relationship. We never really fought, there was no drama. It seemed to be a good relationship. But most of the time I wasn't even mentally there, I couldn't differentiate between what was real and what wasn't. Each time we had drunk sex, all I could picture was you. I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I was still living with you, thinking that the person I was sleeping with, was you. Deep down I knew I only got into a relationship for the reason of trying to get over you. I love you Ren, I always have and I always will. No matter what you do, I'll always love you." I could see Ren start to cry, I thought it was going to be a small tear like how it has been- but she broke down. I think this was the first time I have seen her actually cry.

Ren sat up from her chair and started walking away, "I'm sorry, you should leave." She said as she started walking towards her room.

I sat at the dining room table for almost a whole fifteen minutes, staring across straight forward at where Ren had sat. I started thinking about our college years then the years we spent after college together. I fell in love with her basically the moment I met her. She was the most beautiful girl I have seen, but I quickly realized that she would never be mine, nor do I think she would ever be anyones. She hated the talk of 'love' and relationships. The first time I realized she was clearly uninterested in love was our freshman year of college, we had went out to a bar with our friends who also brought their partners with them. Ren leaned over to me, and said 'lets take a shot for every time they bring up they bring up their relationship' and that night, I think she had a total of twenty shots. I remember she did not talk almost the whole night either, she just blankly stared at the wall as I sat next to her and as the two couples sat across from us. When we went home, she told me that she never understood why people cared so much about this whole love thing. That people only are with each other in order to not feel so lonely, and no one can really commit themselves to one single person for the rest of their life- she stated it was impossible. That is why I think Ren is fine being with more than one or two people at a time, because she truly believes that no one belongs to anyone.

"Little rice cake" I walked into her room to see her lying on her bed, then sat next to where she was lying and looked down at her, "My little rice cake."

"You know I don't like when you call me that." She stretched out her arm onto me, "You're so beautiful." It felt like butterflies were in my stomach when she said these words. I watched as Ren sat up, sitting on top of me, "I missed you so much, I thought I was going to die." I placed my hands on her butt as she leaned forward towards me, "I feel jealous when I think about you loving someone else."

"Rice cake get jealous?" My hands went up her shirt, slowly making my way to her breasts, grabbing both of them, "I get jealous thinking about you having sex with other people."

"You used to love having threesomes together" Ren said as she leaned into my neck, starting to kiss it.

"Only because I knew you liked it. I just wanted you." I said as Ren started kissing down my body.

"I love you" Ren said as she pulled down my pants, kissing in between my thighs. I let out a small moan as I felt her tongue press up against me. "You want to fuck me?" I leaned up in excitement and moments later, I was spreading Ren's legs apart, squeezing lube onto the strap on, and grabbing both of Ren's legs- pulling her up towards me.

"Rice cake" I said as I slowly went inside her, "I want you to only have sex with me from now on" I said as she moaned, "Relax, rice cake."

"Okay" She said as she reached her arm up to my face, "Only you."