Heartstopper oneshots!

only myself to blame

TW sh, breakdown, emetophobia

!! please dont read if ur triggered by any of those things, stay safe and take care of yourselves !!

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Charlie's POV

Nick's been acting off lately, he's quieter than usual.

Closed off.

I trudge my way over the mud-covered sidewalk, watching my once white converse quickly change colour. I finally make it to the very familiar front door and knock.

I hear Nellie barking from the other side of the wood but other than that there's no response. I know Nick's home, he told me he was. So, I reach under the doormat and pull out the spare key he told me about a couple months back.

I unlock the door and greet Nellie with pats before making my way upstairs.

"Nick?" I call out.

No response.

"Nick? Love its me Charlie" I say again once I get to the top of the stairs.

I see light leaking out from under the bathroom door. I knock on it.

"Nick?"

I hear some banging and crashing in there along with muttered shitshitshit.

"Nick are you ok?" I say, increasingly worried.

"Charlie what are you doing here?"

His tone makes me freeze, he sounds so defensive and broken.

"Nick what's wrong?" I ask, reaching for the doorknob.

The doors locked.

"Nick? Can you let me in?"

"Charlie." He whispers.

"Nick," I say, panicking, "Nick please let me in."

"Just," He sucks in a sharp breath, "Just give me a minute."

He sounds so unlike himself.

"Babe, you're scaring me."

I get no response this time. My chest tightens and my palms start to sweat.

"Nick."

Silence.

"Nick."

Silence.

Panic.

"For fucks sake Nick let me in!" I yell as I bang on the wood.

"God Charlie please just- fucking hell just go."

"There is no way in hell I'm leaving," I say, jiggling the door handle, "I swear to god I will put all that rugby practice to good work and smash in this door Nicholas."

A sigh and a click.

I immediately push the door open and once I take in the sight in front of me my hand covers my mouth.

I bend down and grab Nick's tear-stained cheeks.

"No no no no no no" I mumble.

I release his face, turning around to grab a towel from the rack and push it against his thigh, trying to stop the blood oozing from it.

"No, please no." I whisper as I look around at the shards of mirror scattered around the bathroom.

Nick just sits there. Silently watching me.

This is all your fault.

You did this.

You put the idea in his head.

I run my fingers through my hair and tug, willing the self-destructive thoughts away for at least five minutes so I can be there for Nick.

"Hey love talk to me." I say softly

"It's all so fucked Charlie." He says, barely a whisper.

"I know, I know." I mutter, running my hands through his hair, "C'mon can we go to your room please?"

He nods and gets up, I grab his hand and pull him along. I sit him on the end of his bed and I go back to the bathroom and grab a first aid kit. He just stares at me as I clean his leg and wrap it.

I pull him limply into a hug, "I'm so sorry," I whisper into his hair.

This seems to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.

He abruptly pulls back and looks me dead in the eyes before weakly whimpering my name and burying his head in his hands. "Oh my god Charlie," He sobs, "Charlie."

"Hey hey," I whisper while pulling his hands off his face, "You're alright, you're ok. I'm here."

"You, fuck, are you ok?" he says, in a state of panic.

What a useless question Nicholas, what a useless useless question.

"This isn't about me; this is about you. Talk to me babe, what happened?"

"Please Charlie please are you ok?"

His legs are bouncing, his tears are turning his cheeks an angry red colour.

"I'm okay."

Liar.

My answer seems to satisfy him as he almost immediately starts telling me everything, spilling his heart out. I nod when needed, hug him when he starts crying again and just be there for him.

All for him.

~

I refused to leave.

I told my mum some excuse about Nick feeling poorly so I'm taking care of him while his mum is out of town.

He's been out cold for a couple hours, so I decided to clean the bathroom to keep myself occupied.

I threw up from the initial state of it, just the knowledge that it was Nick's blood staining the tiles made my stomach churn.

But now that its done I'm just sitting on the freshly bleached tiles, biting on my finger to muffle the sounds of my sobbing.

God it really is just all so fucked.

---

WELL

there's a sad one for y'all

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