[M] Star Lost || Changlix

[M] 27 - the need to love thy self

Changbin's POV:

December 9

I felt frustrated while I was trying to do my homework, dropping my head onto my desk. The words kept moving around, and I couldn't focus because other things were taking up my mind. I miss Felix. I miss him so much that it hurts. I know I asked for space, but I miss him touching me. I miss holding him and bringing him closer. I miss the feeling of his lips on mine. I miss his warmth. I miss having sex with him. I miss his laugh. I miss his pouty face whenever he was sleepy. I miss everything about him.

Nothing helps that I'm distracted, being in a routine of fucking him every few days is messing with my head. It's like the switch was flipped off, and I really wanted it to be back on. I picked my head up, reaching out for my cell phone on my desk. I paused right as I was about to pick it up.

Don't call him just for sex.

I slowly backed my hand away, pursing my lips at the thought. I mean, I did miss him, but I wasn't about to call him just for that. I want us to have a relationship, and that would be like taking a step backwards. I thought for a moment, eventually deciding to just shut my laptop and close my notebook, pushing them to the corner of my desk.

I backed my chair up a little, placing my hands on my thighs. I slid my hands up and down, anxious and uncomfortable whenever I do this. It just makes me feel a bit awkward, wondering why I have these dirty thoughts running through my head sometimes. Maybe it's just because I'm a teenager, or maybe Felix is making me go crazy.

I closed my eyes and thought about him. The way he would look at me as he undid the button of my jeans makes my mind spin in circles, especially when he seductively licks his lips right before he dips his head down. I love when he leaves little kisses on my stomach, feeling like feathers as he makes his way down. I bit my bottom lip when I felt myself getting hard, surprised at how quick I was losing control. I guess I really am that horny, but this is so much better with Felix. I just need to do it to be able to focus.

I kept my eyes closed as I slowly moved my hand over my crotch, palming myself lightly. Felix always does that, sliding his hand down as we kiss until he eventually gets to touch me. Sometimes he's eager and sticks his hand down my pants right away, but he does this when he wants to take things slow. I was almost there, rolling my hips up into my hand so I could feel that intense throbbing I love. I hummed bringing my other hand over so I could get more friction.

My jeans were tight, continuing to grind hard into my hands. I took one hand away, bringing it up to my mouth and sucking on my thumb for a moment. I lifted up the edge of my shirt, instantly bringing my wet thumb to my nipple and pressing down on it, "Shit—" I breathed out, the sensitivity going throughout my entire body. I did that a few more times while continuing to palm myself, wondering what it would feel like if Felix sucked on it instead.

You're thinking about him.

I want to.

I opened my eyes when the throbbing got intense, seeing the problem I've created. I moved my hand away, watching myself twitch as I pressed on my nipple again. I couldn't take it, taking my hand out of my shirt and undoing the button of my jeans. The pressure was driving me crazy, taking the opportunity to pull down my underwear at the same time when I got the zipper undone. It felt nice when I was exposed, not nearly as hot and crammed as before. I noticed how wet I was, seeing the stain already made in my underwear from the precum.

It wasn't enough, spitting on my hand before grabbing myself. It makes me anxious when Felix finally wraps his fingers around the base, anticipating what's coming next. The thing that drives me crazy is that he hesitates, like he knows he's making me want more. And then, he finally tries his best to take me whole. I started moving my hand, going at the same pace he would go. He always starts off slow and deep, almost making himself choke from how much he takes in. It always just turns me on more, thinking about how much he likes it.