[M] Star Lost || Changlix

30 - secret secret

Felix's POV:

Continuing on December 10

"Appa, you're being unreasonable!..." Channie yelled, leaning onto Changbin out of reflex, "You're barely even here anyways!"

He said he wouldn't yell, but they've been arguing for over half an hour. At least Chan convinced Yeji to go back to her house so that she didn't have to see him like this, but Changbin was harder to convince. Also known as, I couldn't convince him to go home. So, at least him being here calms me down a little bit and makes me feel a little safer. Not that Chan wouldn't hesitate to protect me, and honestly, I can protect myself; I just would rather have someone here with me than the other way around.

My head hurts too from listening to my brother and my dad shout at each other about me, "I don't care!"

"Oh my god, just get the fuck over it!..." Chan yelled back, "Do you even care about him at all?! Has the last eighteen years meant nothing to you?!"

My dad grunted and then looked at his watch, "I need to get going anyways." He said, ignoring everything that's happened and walking out of the kitchen.

Chan was so angry, following him as he yelled, "Where?! Another business trip or to go fuck your assistant?!"

I widened my eyes, and Chan did too. He must've been so riled up that it just slipped out of nowhere, but I was confused. He was having a thing with his assistant...? I thought she was only twenty years old or something...? Chan brought a hand up, covering his mouth as he glanced at me. He instantly looked sorry, his demeanor changing quickly from just a few moments ago.

I saw my dad come back from around the corner, getting up in Chan's face as he said, "You promised you would never bring that up again!"

My eyebrows were scrunched because I didn't know what they were talking about, but I think I had a pretty good idea of what was going on. Chan just looked him in the eye, "I know you care more about her than us, so just leave." He replied, not yelling for the first time since we came in here.

My dad just stared at him for a while before he scoffed and turned around, walking to the front door. I heard it slam behind him, and then the three of us didn't move. Chan took a breath and then turned to me, that guilty look in his eyes, "Lix—"

"What did you mean, hyung?" I was quick to cut him off, wanting an answer.

He gulped, avoiding my eyes, "He came home late one night while I was still doing homework. I-I looked out the window and saw that she had driven him home..." He pursed his lips, bringing a hand up to cover his face as he lowered his head, "I-I saw them kiss and then confronted him about it when he got inside. You were spending the night at Innie's house that day..." He moved his hand away and looked up at me, "I-I just thought it was best if you didn't know."

I pressed my lips together, making them go into a thin line. I wanted to cry right then and there, but I asked instead, "How long ago was that?"

He was quick to look away, like he didn't want to see my reaction, "O-Over a year."

I clenched my jaw and balled my hand up into a fist. I felt my eyes start to gloss over, my lips quivering at the same time. My feet suddenly moved on their own, walking right passed Chan and heading for the stairs. He was calling my name as I ran up the stairs, two at a time to make it faster. I hurried to my room and slammed the door shut behind me, feeling a tear escape and slide down my cheek. Geez today was supposed to be a good day. Why did all of this have to go to shit?

I kicked my shoes off, not caring much where they landed. I angrily pulled my sweatshirt over my head, throwing it down on the floor of my bedroom. I sniffled, going over to my bed and sliding underneath the covers so I could hide. Whenever I get like this, all I want to do is hide away. I hugged onto one of my pillows, nuzzling my face into it and bringing the blanket high over me, going up to my ear. That was the moment I broke, feeling myself squeeze tighter with each passing second.

I wanted to evaporate; gently drift up into thin air and never exist again, but that wasn't really an option right now. I just cried and sniffled into my pillow, my tears staining it in the process. I felt like I couldn't move; couldn't breathe; couldn't think. My own brother. The person I trust and love the most in this whole world kept that big of a secret from me. Why didn't he just fucking tell me? Does he think I can't handle something like that? He never keeps secrets from me, especially about our dad.

I heard a knock on my door after a few minutes, but I didn't want to talk to anyone, "Go away, Chan! I don't wanna talk to you!"

It went silent, a few moments passing until I heard the doorknob turn. I scrunched my eyebrows in anger, picking my head up to yell at Chan, but then I stilled. It was Changbin instead, peeking his head inside. He looked upset, quietly saying, "I won't come in if you don't want me to."

I sniffled, bringing a hand up to messily wipe away the tears that were still falling. I just nodded in response and then put my head back down. I heard the door gently close and then his hesitant footsteps coming towards me, hearing him mumble, "Oh, your sweater." I buried my head into the pillow again, but I could still see him as he picked my sweatshirt up and placed it gently on the bed near my feet. He moved closer and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me.

He just sighed, bringing a hand up to softly run his fingers through my hair, "We don't have to talk. I just didn't want you to be alone."

I sniffled as his hand moved to my cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears under my eyes, "Th-Thank you."

He pouted a little, "Rough day, huh?" He said, laughing a little right after to try and make me feel better.

"It was gonna be perfect..." I quickly said, "B-But then my dad had to ruin it."

"Yeah, I have to say; I'm not a fan..." He replied, moving his hand back to my hair, "I'm so sorry."

"Why?..." I asked, sniffling right after, "You're the one person I'm not mad at."

"Which I think is pretty crazy considering everything I said and making you wait for me..." He said, his soft touch calming me down, "Your dad is an asshole; but at least Chan-hyung's intentions were good."

I raised an eyebrow, "He never keeps secrets from me."

"Yeah, but he didn't want you to be upset. He didn't want you to suffer up in here..." He replied, tapping the side of my head with his finger, "He wanted to suffer by himself as long as it meant that you were ok."

I pursed my lips, not thinking about it like that before, "H-He didn't have to do that."

"You're the one thing he cares about most in this world, Lix. Anyone can see that. He literally made his girlfriend drive him over here in the middle of their date to make sure you were alright and then he just yelled at your dad for the last half hour for you..." He was quick to reply, "I wish I had a brother like him."

I sniffled, "H-He's the best."

Changbin gave me a little smile, "He really is..." He leaned down and pressed his lips against my temple, whispering as he pulled away, "If you need anything, just let me know—"

Changbin was cut off when we heard a knock on the door. He pulled away from me, sitting up straight and turning his head. We watched Chan open the door, noticing how his eyes were a little red as he said, "Yongbokkie, I-I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, getting out of bed and hurrying over to him. I was quick to engulf him in a hug, and I felt him hug me back, "I love you! I love you so much, hyung! Please, stay."

He seemed surprised at what I said, like he wasn't expecting it. It took him a few seconds to reply, "I love you too. You know I'm never leaving you behind."

I sniffled onto his shirt, "You're the best brother in the whole world. Thank you for being here for me."

He squeezed tighter, like he didn't want to let go, "Always."

"Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone."

- Unknown