Love over water

Overthinking

Should I really do this? Like what if...
Would I really be happy being tied to a boat for half a year?

I know I am an over thinker, and I do also know that I should stop putting the negative things in my focus. Easier said than done.
I can remember how last year, I was thinking about going to a college abroad. I wasn't antipathetic but I still couldn't imagine myself taking such a life changing step. A year somewhere completely different, new people, new mores, new surroundings, new everything. I can clearly remember my thoughts. "I know going to a college abroad would be amazing, I could make so many new friendships, I would improve in my language and I would have a great life. But wait. It won't be like in the movies. Movies aren't reality. I might feel homesick and can't manage to make new contacts. I might not be able to handle being independent. And how am I supposed to learn all that hard school stuff in a different language?" I think everyone would have fears to go abroad alone. And the costs...
Tara, remember, it's not like in the movies.
Now I am sitting here, seriously thinking about going on a boat trip, seeing the world, for half a year. I just have two weeks left to decide and to talk to my unsuspecting mother. Another memory crosses my mind : Me, one evening after thinking about studying abroad, sitting with my mum for dinner. I told her all about my thoughts and how life changing it would be to visit a college in for example Germany. But as I know my mother, she is caring, so she listed all the risks for me.

Since we lost my father she doesn't let any danger get near me, and I appreciate her caring, I love her, but sometimes I have to take decisions even though I don't always want to. I know where I got that overthinking from now.
Anyway, Tara, say it out loud.
I really want to go for that boat trip to see many new countries and get to know more about the ocean and it's spectacular animals. This is my chance. I want to become a marine biologist since I can remember. I'm so fascinated by the animals, the plants and the enormous size of the most unexplored ocean. This could be the best experience of my life. This will be the best experience of my life. My mother has to stop being over caring, she have to do herself a favor and let me explore the world.
Is this a stupid idea? No, this is a dream, and I'm going to make it reality ( and maybe my journey will become a movie one day ).
I have to keep doing this. Being convinced and brave. Sometimes I have the feeling that all these motivated phrases are spoken by someone else. By a guardian angel in my mind or something. But it's me, I am thinking, and I should think like this more often. There is no space for bad thoughts and all the worries. You just live once, don't you?
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New day, new thoughts, new power. I don't know if I am rushing to fast but I really wanna do this and take this chance. So as I learned from my best friend Jemma, To Do Lists can help.
1. Letting my mother in on my plans
2. Convincing my best friend to come with me
3. Filling out all the boring forms

4. Going shopping lots of rain coats ( good looking ones! )
5. Watching the Pirates of the Caribbean

You start from the top to the bottom, right? Okay okay, I am going to let her in on my plans. Be calm, don't flush her with excitement and be serious.
"Honey, what's the reason for this sunny smile?", my mother said way to motivated right after I made the first step downstairs ( mums always know when there's something cooking, don't they? ) "I have something to tell you, let's sit down." "Is there someone new you want to introduce to me?" she said with a wink. "Mum!" I shouted annoyed but with a light smile like I always do. I'm actually really happy how good our relationship is. She is just 19 and a half years older than me and we work together really well. I don't like it when people act like they would be besties with their parents but it's kind of our situation. "There is this offer I got. Since my grades are really good my biology teacher Mr. Godwin suggested me to go for this year's "school over water" boat trip. ( I don't know if that slogan sounds good or cheap ) You get taught lots of things about engineering, marine biology, medicine and lots more during half a year on board. And you get to see so many new countries. You know my dream job, you know my passion. Jemma got the offer as well, deadline is in two weeks. I really wanna take this chance seriously. Please. Please do yourself a fav..." My mum interrupted me with a suspicious smile while I was prepared for the worst: " Darling, yes, this is the most amazing and fitting offer you could've got. Of course I want you to go. I will make sure that you're safe and give you lots of care products, for sure, but I knew that the time would come where you want to break this small town and see the world. I also took a year at your grandpas farm in South
Sweden because I was sick of my boring village, it was great." I did not expect that. Neither that she allows me to go nor that she took a year abroad. Can she handle the death of my father now? Or has Mr. Godwin something to do with it since her eyes lighted up when I said his name. I'm confused. "You didn't tell me! But thank you, I can't believe it and I think I won't until it's really happening but, thank you mom." I know it's not easy for her to let me go, I can see the film material of her crying her eyes out, when I'll leave, but I will never forget her making this possible."But there's a catch, there is always a catch, the trip is 26.000 dollar" I saw squinting my eyes. "But of course I'll get taught really well, Mr. Godwin said that I will have to catch up some stuff later, but that's definitely worth it! And he is also really hyped for this journey and knows how much effort they put in everything. A lot of information, I know I'm sorry." I said speaking so fast that I nearly couldn't even follow myself. "For the costs, I can ask my friends to support me and you won't have to gift me anything for the next years! Mr. Godwin also introduced a website to us where you can ask strangers to support your goal, maybe it works! I'll do an account asap." "Yes it is definitely a lot of money, but I'll call Mr. Godwin to get to know all the details and of course I try to support you thr best I can! I'm really happy that you're so interested in that topic and that you really try to let your dreams become reality." my mom said with a calm but excited voice. "I learned from the best" I answered smiling. I don't know who I am talking to, but I would have bet a thousand that she wouldn't support my idea. Maybe I should better ask her if there's a new person she wants to introduce to me. I'll keep an eye on it, I still have three months tho