Love over water

Allen

It's just one week left until I take the step on board and say goodbye to my mother, friends... and my boyfriend. I tried to push the fact that Allen won't come with me aside, but I won't see him for half a year. It's not allowed to have phones on deck, just when we stop at a haven and go sight seeing, which we will do every week for two to three days, we can use it. I think that I'll be really busy and I don't want to be the person that ruins our relationship. I love Allen with his shiny deep black hair, his defined body and his smile, that lets me forget all my daily negative thoughts every time. We've been together since the beginning of ninth grade. He's a really good rugby player and has to train a lot to get his scholarship and being qualified for the best sport universities, so we can't see each other that often. But I support him at all his games and I love his ambition. It comes from his farther, he's one of the sport coaches on the FIU and has high hopes for his son. Allen never talks much about the pressure he's on, he just does it and has his dreams in mind, but I personally think that the relation between his farther and him isn't the best. I noticed some arguments they have on the field and at his home, I don't want to know how intense they are when I'm not around. So I try to have a look on that and support Allen in any way. Since we both love traveling, he never gifted me something material. He always gifts us vacations together. Last year we just took trips in Florida but since we got older, we've also been to Hawaii once. It was absolutely amazing and I am more than sure that I'll still tell my grandchildren of it. It was last summer, we both saved our money for the trip and actually didn't buy anything for ourselves. We were both super excited, it was Allen's first flight and the first trip to Hawaii for both of us. We had three suitcases for one and a half weeks and took the longest but cheapest flight. When we arrived after a pretty turbulent flight, we directly checked in our small hotel and took the bus to the beach. The sand was so white, the water so clear. I love the ocean, I love the view, the sound, just everything about it and I could definitely sit on the beach just watching the water forever. There were also so many cute traditional beach restaurants and bars and the people on Hawaii, they are the nicest. We've met an older guy, around fifty, who showed us his favorite places for free and gave us his best insider tips. We climbed a little mountain together and the view was priceless. We sipped some of the best coconut cocktails from his son's little bar I've ever tried and took a speed boat ride. And the highlight, we did see two dolphins. It was my first time seeing them in the wild and it was the best experience ever. I'm so thankful for the people there. I've also met one of my best friends there, Alara. She is local in the city we stayed and worked as a waitress in our hotel. We still text each other every day and call very often. She is the cutest person I know and of course I want to see this curly head again, so we hope to meet in Hawaii next year. Imagine me, coming to Hawaii each year and bringing my children one day. I can't wait to be my future me.
I told Allen about the boat trip right after I told my mother, so I was already convinced that I really want to do it. I asked him how he thinks about it and I expected him to react better, much better. I was actually really disappointed, which is the reason why I nearly haven't spoken to him the whole time. When he comes from a match he's mostly pretty exhausted and not in the best mood, which is also a sign that he probably doesn't really love what he's doing ( or forced to do ). He said
that I should have asked for his permission and that I would ruin their relationship. He said that he put so much love and effort in us and that he will loose every game without me because he would be distracted by missing me. I was so excited to tell him and I can still remember how my face dropped when he texted me this. As I said, I love Allen and I know that he's not having it easy but shouldn't he support me like I support him? Shouldn't couples want the best for each other? I didn't tell my mom what happened, but she noticed that I'm not seeing Allen anymore. She directly asked me what has happened but I just told her that he's having an important exam soon, so we didn't talk about him since then. Do I want to ignore him? No. But no one can tell me that his acting was right. He knows how bad I want to become a marine biologist and that, like my mom said, I want to see the world. I think he'd like that too. As I can tell, his daily routines are mostly the same, waking up at 5 am for his earlier training, going to school for getting good grades, learning ( even though his day is so full, that he's mostly not having enough time for it so he keeps learning in the middle of the night ), training and having a match. And of course the special energy food his dad preps for him every day ( but I think me and Allen can agree that it's definitely tasting as disgusting as it looks ). His farther isn't a doctor or anything, he's just reading to many sport blogs and participating on to many events, held by people that have no clue what they are talking about because they aren't even really doing sports, they just want to sell their "magical" products. And of course they always have the most ridicules slogans ever : "taste the storm", "more than just a drink", or "you can never have enough". Of course boys fall for that.
Allen also did not even really try to fix the situation. After he was finished sending me all his complainants, he did just once text me again two days later. "Are you okay?
I just wanted to say that we have to finish our biology project by tomorrow, wanna come over? Four would work for me." The first thing I thought was "is he really pretending like nothing has happened? I don't want to come over, I just want to forget his perfect hair, his smile and the hot way he looks during a rugby game." So of course I didn't come to his house. I just sent him a dry message saying that he can go training and I'll finish the project myself. Of course I also added that he does not even have to try convincing me doing it with him. And as I hoped to daunt him, it worked because he didn't come to school the next day to hold the presentation and I held it alone. Since then our chat didn't change. Okay, I have to admit he did try to call me and even come to my house. I was opening the door with a rest face and waited for him to talk. I definitely wouldn't title him as a stupid person, but he's dating me since nearly two years ( and knows me since four ) and there wasn't a single sorry. He made me feel like he just thought that I'm having my moody phase again, but this was clearly not the case. I don't get men sometimes ( or mostly ). You won't even believe what he said. "Did you change your opinion babe? Your staying with me don't you?". "What makes you think so?" I said disgusted. And then I clearly stated my opinion before closing the door : "I am going, and there are two possibilities, you either be fine with it and support me like I am supporting you or you are leaving now and you can forget me, so you can be concentrated at your games." I have to admit that I am feeling a little sorry and that I don't even know how all that could happen. But I'm still happy that I told him what I think and did not get influenced by him. Of course he left, but he wasn't angry, I think he was more surprised by my statement.
I am not giving up on us, I don't think he does either. But I need time, I am ready for
him to accept me at any time. He just has to. For sure I don't want to ruin our relationship and I can understand people that aren't friends of distance relationships, but half a year? Even though I support him so much and he is the workaholic that's not having any time? Is his love not strong enough? Does our relationship make sense, when he'll leave me ASAP when I'm going to move to study and it won't be the same city as he is going to study in? Maybe the break of half a year will do us good, maybe we need the distance. I mean we wouldn't be the first teenage couple that needs to take a break. It's his decision. But I will focus on the good now and hopefully there are people on board that can get me on different thoughts.