The worst part about falling in love is knowing that you'll break if it ends badly. I'm broken beyond compare. I can't be fixed. I've fallen in love with the wrong guy three different times and each time it's ended badly. I can't be fixed. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Broken. Afraid. And fragile. I wish I could undo the things I've done but I can't. I don't want to fall in love ever again. This last time, it left me damaged even worse. I've been sent to the E.R. and honestly nearly commit suicide because of this. It scares me. I don't know what I've become. I don't know who I am. I don't remember what it's like to wake up and love yourself, or to think so positively all the time. I've put this facade on for far too long. Like my ex-boyfriend said, I'm fake. I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. It's an act, a lie I've been living for far too long. I feel like I've failed everyone, Drake, Jen, Cody, Rylan and Storm, Tucker and Jordan, Jenny, Mariah, Nick, Terry, Erik, Amanda, Micheal, George, J.J. my little brother, Cheyenne, Kennedy, my parents and step-mom, my grandparents, my relatives, Rachel, Ollie, Hannah, Lance, Jacob, Daven, Sophie, Claire, Anna, Kelsey, and everyone else. I'm surprised I know this many people. But I do feel like I've failed everyone. I'm a bitch, pig, asshole, pig face, liar, disgusting, fat, fucker,motherfucker, a faulterer, crazy, black ass, nasty, and fake apparently.
I don't believe it anymore when people say things like, sweetie, bbe, boo, hot, cute, cutie, attractive, adorable, good looking, fit, pretty.
Point is, I've changed and not for the better. I don't think I will ever be the same. I hate myself so much.
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Depression and Suicide #Wattys2015
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