Words I Want To Say To You

A month before we met (day 3)

Why do I always think about the saddest thing that will happen between us at midnight? It makes me nervous every time, it always makes my heart beat so fast, it always makes me shiver, and it always makes me overthink things. I don't want to be like this when it comes to you; I'm not sure why this happens to me; perhaps I'm simply afraid of losing you. Should I wait a couple more days before confessing? It makes me tremble just thinking about it; am I too sluggish to express my feelings? Or is it simply not appropriate to admit this? What is the best course of action?

It's been an hour since another day has arrived, and my heart continues to beat. I despise being an overthinker; I'm always hurting myself with thoughts that come from my mind. You know what I'm thinking: why is your voice so gentle when you're talking to someone you play with? I hate being this way; I know I have no right to be envious, but that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm thinking that maybe someday that someone will court you, and when that time comes, I'm afraid I'll be out of time when it comes to admitting how I feel about you, and believing what they say about others being ahead of me.

I just woke up and realized how lovely you were yesterday; you're gorgeous as always, you're beautiful when you smile, when you laugh, and even when you're doing nothing. That's why, sunflower, I like you. It suits you perfectly since you bring light, love, and happiness to everyone. I'm enthusiastic about what will happen today, even if I have feelings of sadness, joy, jealousy, and fury. Whatever I'm feeling today, I'm glad as long as I'm talking to you, so Good Morning Ericka.

Anyway I forgot to say, did you know I show to Shie the screenshot of the comments to the piece I am working right now? She smiled and it always makes me blush when they mention your name, she even said that "oh my God Embs you need to confess to Ericka already" and I was like "just a little time please wait, I will confess to her in actual don't worry, no matter what it takes I have no regrets" and this is the best thing that I can do for her.

I always thank God that you came into my life, that I know you, and that I have you until now. I always tell him how fortunate I am that you came into my life, and if I brag about you, I will tell him first. Because you are the greatest gift I have gotten, I want to continue my mission with you on this earth we are standing on, so please stick with me and let us run together with God at our core.

You know what I said the first time I chatted you on Bigo Live about quitting? I actually wanted peace of mind at the time because I was thinking that one day I would attach to you because I'm a person who easily attaches, and now it's happening since day one that we became close to each other. Another thing is that I didn't have a reason to stay in bigo live at the time, and I told myself that what if I stayed for you and used you as my inspiration, so that I have a reason to stay anymore because there is no one like you.

I'm dreaming of you for the seventh time; you're so sweetest person i've met in my dreams; do you know why I prefer to dream? Because it is superior to reality. Every dream I have about you is the best thing I receive every morning. Do you want to hear about what happened in my dream? Don't you usually refer to me as a crazy person? You're the loveliest girl I dream of, you just greeted me Good Morning in my dream like "Hi Embs, goodmorning my crazy Embs" something like that and I think that greeting is the most beautiful hello that I received, even if it was only in my dreams, I really enjoy it.

I'm not sure why I feel pleased when I get the results of my scores on my four subjects oh my god I'm happy, and I'm hurriedly telling you about it, maybe you're the one I inspire? Or are you always by my side in everything I do? I'm not sure. Hahahaha waaaaah

Anyway how's your day? Is everything okay? I hope you're doing fine now, If your day isn't going well, just tell me; when things aren't going well in your life or you have problems that you can't solve, just tell me; I'm always here for you and everything will be alright, my crazy Ericka.

It's one o'clock in the afternoon, and we're simply talking about our academics and how hot society is, when you tell about what happened to you before, how your family treated you, and it makes me sad, and my tears well up. I thought I could stop the tears from falling, but they have already begun to fall. I wish I could hug you right now, not just virtually, but physically. You go through a lot, you have a lot of traumas that you keep hidden; if you can't discuss it with a trusted friend or with me, please share it with God. It's okay to cry, Ericka; you're not alone in your fight; you always have me; you can count on me; I'll never get tired to understand you; I'm always here to be your safe haven; you can use me as a shoulder to lean on; let's cry together and start over. I'm always here for you. FIGHTING!!!

Why am I so sorry for what happened to you? I always assume I'm the cause of your tears, and I've even told myself that I'm being careful with what I say because I don't want you to cry because of me. But how does it feel to share your pain, trauma, troubles, or anything else? Isn't it great to feel relieved?

We only require someone who can be relied on to keep the narrative that we tell safe, someone on whom we can rely, someone who is always there for you, even you, someone who listens to your problem, someone who can be a shoulder to lean on, choose someone who will not condemn you. BE A SAFE HAVEN FOR SOMEONE.

God's Night ♡