Is this love?

High school blues

Jungkook POV

The first few months of Grade 10 flew by uneventfully. Everyone was busy settling in and crying over the syllabus. That never used to bother Tae but he seemed stressed and tired most of the time this year. It seemed to bring the whole group down adding to the stress of tenth grade.

It was unusual for him to be worked up and everyone had noticed that, even though he tried to hide it. I was afraid that he would snap if I tried to talk to him about it but I decided that I should give it a shot at least which brings me to the present where Tae and I are laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling.

I cleared my throat deciding to break the silence. He looked at me expectantly.

"Tae.. We've noticed that you've been... different lately." I said.

"In what way?" He asked.

"Well I don't know you just seem really stressed. Do you wanna talk about anything?"

He sighed looking up at the ceiling. He hesitated for a moment and then turned to look at me.

"I don't know what it is but I can't shake this feeling of loneliness. No matter who I'm with. It just feels like I'm invisible and there is always this distance. And I can't stop thinking about it. Even when I'm trying to study or in class. Everything came so easy to me until this year. I don't know I guess life is just different now." He said looking back at the ceiling.

I inched closer to him and gently slid my hand into his and gave it a squeeze.

He looked at me and I stared back into his eyes. "You are not alone." I said.

For a moment he looked hopeful but he went back to looking at the ceiling.

"Thanks Kook but it's not you. I'm not able to connect with our friends anymore. I don't know what's wrong."

"It's okay. We're always here for you. This is just a bad patch. You will get through it."

"Maybe..." He paused for a while and smiled at the ceiling. "I'm glad Hoseok and Yoongi hyung have each other though. Must be nice knowing that you are special to someone no matter what."

I wanted to open my mouth. I wanted to tell him that he was special to me. More than anyone will ever be. But I just couldn't.

"You know you are very special Tae. To all of us. Maybe we don't show it much but you are."

He continued smiling at the ceiling and nodded hesitantly.

"Tell you what. Let's go shopping for prom. That'll take your mind off everything." I told him.

"Yeah I suppose we could. Although I don't look forward to it much. I don't have a date to prom and I blew my chance with Tzuyu pretty badly."

"Who cares. It's just a date. That's not what prom is about. If it bothers you that much I'll be your date." I blurted out realising what I just said.

Tae stared at me, a small smile forming on his face.

"Cool." He said and got up.

What have I done?

Tae POV

Kookie just told me that he'll be my date to prom. I know this is the worst time for this but I don't know why it gave me a little hope. I had been suppressing my feelings for him for a while now but maybe he wasn't confused anymore. Maybe he liked me.

The whole time that we were shopping he kept glancing at me when I wasn't looking. I didn't want to get my hopes up but even having him as my date to prom would be amazing.

After our shopping we decided to get something to eat. I thought that maybe I should I ask him about his feelings but before I could say anything he talked.

"Tae.. I think I need to tell you something. On prom. I mean I suppose I'm telling everyone in our group since I might move after tenth grade. Sort of like a going away speech."

"We should all do that!" I said. Was that.. A hint that he was going to ask me out or confess or something?

I decided to not bring it up just in case I ruin his plan. Besides with all school work piling on us right now this is the last thing we need.

He nodded and nervously sipped his drink.

Jungkook POV

I tried to calm my nerves by sipping my drink as I looked at Tae. It was obvious that he was looking forward to prom suddenly. I was worried about telling him that I thought I was straight. That's right. I took a bunch of online tests and I suppose the fact that my parents might not accept me if I was queer sort of pushed me to this realisation and I wanted to tell him before he got expectations. I know the feelings thing was a while back but I suppose I wouldn't be too enthusiastic about hearing this if I was in his place. There was a small part of me that thought I may still be attracted to him but that happens to all best friends right?

I just hoped with all my heart that I wouldn't lose him. With all that's been going on and me possibly moving away I was worried that the distance between us would just grow. And I know that I'd never find anyone like him. Ever. He made feel like no one had ever made me feel and no one could ever make me feel.

When I reached home I was mentally drained and decided to sleep early. But I kept tossing and turning. I felt like letting him down on the one day he was looking forward to would make him resent me. But after asking him to be my date I suppose if I didn't tell him he'd expect more. I wished I could make him happy. I'd do anything. Even date him if I wasn't straight. But I suppose I was never good enough for him. No one liked to accept it but Tae had been like this since Rose left. And no one can replace her in his life and we all knew that. I sighed sinking into my pillow pushing all my thoughts away. It'll all be fine.

Okay in Jungkook's defense it's really hard coming to terms with your sexuality 🤠. Don't hate on him. He is clearly scared and in denial.