My Golden Blues

I woke up today, feeling extremely sad. As hours passed, I kept on reflecting on how sadness can't swallow me up anymore, yet it's still there. It grew from a monster to something like an old friend, accompanying me in my solitude. 

Would it be more dangerous to let it grow to be something I am not afraid of?

As I kept on thinking, I kept on landing on the idea that I have more sadness in my body than blood. I'm anemic after all. That my happiness roots from sadness, and that my anger is just sadness, my fears and uncertainties, my longing and resentment. They're all sad. I've been too neutral, too peaceful, that my indifference is just sadness carpeted with calm.

One of the greatest things I have taught myself is to not let something a part of me, eat me up inside. I have outgrown the old skin that kept telling me to cry. It is a thing I embrace and sometimes see as a blessing. An opportunity to create, bask in emotions, declutter the mind, and help me understand myself. Sometimes, I even see it as gold. Something that I can make use of, value, and create something from.

My sadness is now significant.

A/N

As I have mentioned in the intro, I have said that my happiness is founded from sadness, like all my emotions, this is the angst version of it. hahaha~