Ayanokoji learning to be human

Content and safety comes with fear

Unlike with Horikita, he feels....content with Hiyori Shiina.

-~-~

He learned early on that letting people in will only hurt when they're disposed of later. The feeling of emptiness would soon come crawling back after remembering where he was for his entire life. A place where he was chained and seen as a machine, a product, a toy to be disposed of when it no longer worked. A toy where they played with it too much to the point it stopped working. Their interest lost and forgotten when they found something better. Something shinier.

-~-~

Hiyori was someone whom he had gotten used to being around. He knew she wouldn't be disposed of the next day. Even if a voice whispered in the back of his mind that he didn't know if that was for certain. Even he could admit this place was unpredictable. Not impossible to decipher just unpredictable in a sense.

He knows shes smart. Not just from all the books, she's read but from that natural hunger for knowledge. To consume everything shes finds interest in like a sponge to water.

It was something he had, was made to realize.
But, unlike him, she wasn't forced to continue growing with it in all different aspects. Unlike himself, she found something she liked and continued with it while also growing, learning, with support to fall back on. She found something to stabilize herself so she wouldn't sink. She found something healthy so she wouldn't fall.

It was always a joy to watch her get enchanted in the book she was reading during their time in the library. The few moments he'd allow himself to let his guard down in public. It was always nice letting himself get sucked into the story he was reading, to get lost in the words painting the storyline in his mind. Even if he never fully let it his guard down.

It was almost laughable to think someone would attack him in the library of all places. The place where you got shushed for erasing something a little too noisily, but natural instincts will never die in someone. So he noticed quite quickly the stares they were getting at their little table in the far corner of the room.

It was justified seeing as it was study season. As he glanced around he noticed it was packed more than usual but, he paid no mind to it when he first walked in. Even if the alarm bells of having more people to take notice of, to track, rang in his mind and clawed at his skin to be on edge.

He didn't need to study during these times. He had completed the work when it was first given in case anyone took notice and wanted to make sure he was actually comprehending the material.

Speaking of studying...

"Hiyori, have you studied enough to be reading like this?" Ayanokoji asked, smoothing out a slight crinkle in the top of his page with his thumb, most likely from all its previous owners.

The book in his hands had quite a lot of...flaws, now that he got a closer look at it. Not just in the plot but as well as in it's physically aspect. The stains in odd places on the pages as well as a few clear pencil markings which weren't fully erased. 

It was the first book he grabbed. He hasn't been focused enough on its contents to finish it in his time here. Too focused on the potential threats surrounding him. The eyes trained on him on some occasions that lingered to long for him to brush off as a coincidence.

He angled his head up slightly when he wasn't even given a twitch in return to his question. He doesn't understand hows she's able to get so into her book like this. Her face passive, other then the occasional twitched of a small gasp at whatever plot twist the book had revealed. He took a quick peek at the title on the spine of the book. Bright bold red letters, The Silent Patient, by Alex Michaelides read back to him.

It was a book he had read a few years ago on a plane ride to the states. It was defiantly an eventful story. The story leads up to the shocking plot twist at the end at a steady pace. The story wasn't rushed in his opinion.

"Hiyori?" he said again, leaning forward slightly and knocking lightly on the table separating the both of them. He watched as her eyes snapped up to him. Shock raging through her facial features at being caught so into her book, embarrassment soon leaking in her features. 

"Eh?" She asked eyes trained on him as he leaned back to his original spot.

"Have you studied enough to be reading like this?" He repeated, eyes staring back at hers. She had clear eyes he noticed. They were kind and soft. She looked peaceful...safe.

"Hm?" she started, "I think I've been able to comprehend the material when they're taught firsthand. I've been doing some short studying on things I've been having difficulty with in my dorm room so I think it's safe to do this." She finished, her eyes crinkling at the side as he gave a small light smile.

"but it never hurts to be more safe than sorry." He trailed off looking down at the words printed on the page he was on. It didn't last long, his eyes trailing off at the grease stain on the side. The dog tag a few pages back.

"Hm, I guess your right." She muttered looking down at her book, sliding a simple light blue page holder in between the pages she stopped at. She closed the book slowly, checking over the pages before closing it fully. Making sure no pages get damaged, crushing, as she put it away in her bag besides her. It looked brand new. The only indication of being used was the blue yarn tied to the top of her page marker stuck out.

"Shall we start heading back? The library is closing in a few minutes." He asked, also closing his...flawed book, mirroring her actions of not adding any more flaws to the already damaged book.

-~-~

With Hiyori Shiina he feels content. She doesn't push him to do things she wants like some people at this school.

She's someone he enjoys being around. Someone who he doesn't have to put any effort with. Someone he can relax with. He feels safe almost.

He just hopes, fears almost, she doesn't cut her time short here.

-~-~