Daughter of Elizabeth Olsen

Chapter 19

Lizzie's POV

My dad eventually leaves, leaving us stood in a very awkward silence. All I want to do is hug her, and it kills me that I can't. I clear my throat needing a minute to compose myself if we're going to do this properly. "Would you like a cup of tea, and then we can go and sit in the living room?" I ask nervously, the uncertain tone lacing my voice.

Alexa nods her head and I take it as my cue to go and make our drinks, I hear her go into the living room and stand with my hands on the counter top taking deep breaths while the kettle boils. I noticed how she could barely even look at me and it breaks my heart knowing that I've caused her so much pain.

I pour our tea into a couple of mugs and take them through. "Here you go, sweetheart." I say as I hand her the drink. I decide to sit on the opposite couch to give her a bit of space, I don't want to overwhelm her anymore than she already is. She mumbles a quiet 'thanks' in reply and continues to stare off into space.

I can tell she feels uncomfortable so we need to get this over with. "We're going to sit here and go through everything okay, but I want to speak first." I finally say. Alexa doesn't look up at me, she just swirls the tea around in her cup.

"I should never have said those things Alexa, regardless of the fact I didn't mean them they should never have been said and I don't think there's enough words to truly say how sorry I am." I start to apologise just hoping she knows how much I mean what I'm saying.

Alexa doesn't say anything nor does she look up at me. "Alexa." As I say her name she seems to break out of her trance and looks up at me. There's so much sadness inside the deep blue of her eyes, so dark and empty. I hold her focus and continue.

"I need you to know I didn't mean it, not a single bit. You are my family. It's me and you and we are a team and everyone else, they are OUR family, yours just as much as they are mine. Your grandpa, your aunts, your bonus aunts and uncles. They're your family. I should never have insinuated that they weren't."

"You are not an embarrassment, I promise. I know why that hurt you, I know that's exactly what they said the night you stayed with me the first time... and I saw the post on social media." I hesitate on mentioning the last part, I'm sure she probably thought I would never see it and her little gasp and teary eyes confirm that.

"They're wrong sweetheart, you are the best thing to happen to me and you are not an embarrassment, and I don't just say that Alexa. Before we met I was so lost in my life, you were missing from my heart."  A tear falls down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away, looking away from me.

"I know this all came around so fast and honestly I don't think I realised truly what being a mom would entail. I've done a lot wrong, I know that, but I don't regret adopting you. Not at all." I get up from the couch and kneel down in front of her taking her hand in mine.

"Alexandra, my sweet girl I love you more than life itself, with my entire heart and I wish this didn't have to happen to make me realise how much I needed to be better for you." I admit, meaning every single word.

"But you still said it, you didn't even take a second to-." Alexa's sobs take over which shatters my heart even more. "I know sweetheart, I know and I shouldn't have. If I could take it back I would, in a heartbeat." I struggle to get my words out without my voice breaking. I just want to hold her, but I don't want to push any boundaries.

She wipes the tears from her face again as I move next to her, my hand naturally falls to the rings on my fingers, slowly rotating them. A nervous habit I've always had. I just watch her as she sits quietly beside me hoping that she'll say something.

"I didn't mean to shut you out." She whispers softly, out of the blue. "Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me what was going on?" I ask her, taking her hand back in mine. "How much do you know?" I sigh and realise there's so much more than I ever considered, and I didn't take any of it into account when I lashed out at her.