Burning || Han Jisung Centric

epilogue.

┏━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┓
Like a streetlight,
in the middle of the night
I just look bright.
┗━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┛

«burn it Jisung, you have to burn it.

you need to make it disappear from your sight.»

he exhaled a breath, held it tightly between his fingers while looking at it and felt once again uneasy just by looking.

at that time he had already achieved his goal from time.

unfortunately, once you get obsessed with something, you can't easily get rid of it as if it was a material thing that could be thrown in the bin. eventually he hadn't kept his word.

his members were alongside him in the backyard of 3racha and Hyunjin's house; they were there to support him; they were there to show him that he wasn't all by himself, that they were by his side because that's what people who care about you do. Jisung wasn't alone.

some time passed since the moment he had asked his members for help; he managed to start eating again and kept eating even if, from his point of view he wasn't making those big progress his members told him about. he could have done so much better, yet he wasn't capable of it.

so why wasting his friends' time? he was just being a burden and holding them up from their duties.

besides the support, the help they were giving him and his determination -which was effective only at the very beginning-, he still wasn't on track. he needed more time and the whole process implied many, many, too many efforts. he was doing it at his own pace; thankfully, no one pressured him. he himself persisted on repeating in front of the mirror mean things, because only mean words worked on him. he knew how to deal with himself.

being gentle to himself meant being weak, weakness couldn't bring success;
no failing was allowed.

the sunny weather brought a warm windy blowing softly through his hair, almost as it wanted to caress him. he took a glance at the clear sky above him and narrowed his eyes to avoid going blind from the strong sunlight. he wasn't getting the soothing vibes from that heavenly shiny day. the birds chirping like soft melody weren't having any relaxing effect on him and the heat he felt on his skin was not comforting to him, actually, it brought a strange itchy sensation on the skin of his cheeks.

he didn't want to be there, he didn't want to waste his, their time like this. he didn't want to be a distraction to any of his members. but... the quicker he would have done it the quicker he could have gone away.

he lit the lighter and slowly brought the little blue flame to the piece of paper he was holding tightly with his other hand. the quicker he did it, the quicker that heaviness from his chest would ease.

he eventually burnt the paper which determined all the restriction he himself had written on.

the pieces of ash did not have time to collide with the the green grass that the wind carried them away from the boy's slim silhouette.

the members cheerfully ran over and hugged him tightly reminding him once again how proud they were of his improvement. he smiled.

«this is air pollution.» Seungmin smacked the top of Hyunjin's blonde head «your voice is noise pollution.» they laughed under the bright yellow sun of what seemed to be an important day. a new start.

Minho rested his warm left hand on the silky white material that covered Jisung's shoulder and gave him a big proud smile, «you're making it Sung-ah. I'm so proud of you for facing your problems.» the younger responded with another smile.

hilarious how he had given up from time already and no one knew about it. how he was just pretending for his members, for his Hyung; how he didn't want to be a false hope for them as well as it was for himself already.

how he had to show them he was trying, how he wanted to lead them into thinking that he was still fighting against his sick mind, against his sick self. how he didn't want to disappoint them.

his biggest enemy, the one he could not manage to defeat. despite having tried to resist countless times, he hadn't made it.

was it because he wasn't strong enough to win against his morbid mind? was it because he found pleasure in his unhappy, overworked success?

how contorted this last sentence sounded...

the end.