anorexia ; kth ♡ jjk

chapter 15

and he leaned in to kiss me.

-
jungkook's pov :

i didn't fully process what was happening in the first few seconds.
as his lips softly pressed against mine, i stayed there motionless and wide eyed.
i thought i must've looked like a dead fish at that moment.

he pressed his hand to my cheek whilst the other rested on my waist, trying to pull me closer and keep me up so that my weakened knees wouldn't give in and cause me to collapse.

i relaxed into his touch, gave myself in... almost as if i had succumbed to him entirely.
his lips moved a bit against my mouth and danced around with it as i grew less and less stiff by the moment. his mouth slightly gaped and i followed, the kiss growing deeper.

our lips were harmonizing.
getting to know each other, strangely.
until we both pulled away reluctantly, for air.
the little smack sound our lips made as they detached and the shininess of his lips, all glossy after our long kiss, made me crave for more.
the sparkle in his eye, that i once again saw, i understood as him wanting me.
his eyes were fueled by lust.
and through his gleaming gaze i saw my own eyes lust-filled all the same.

i had tasted a bit of heaven. i had tasted pleasure i had never tasted before, just by a single kiss. my mind transported itself to places it had never been before and wondered of unspoken things, possibilities i was ashamed of even dwelling on.

the pleasure subsided for another feeling to arise. i suddenly felt tense. a feeling of fear overcame me. fear of his regret— and mine.
fear of the dangers of my desires.
the fear of not being able to resist them and control them.
of losing myself.
or rather of forgetting my purpose, forgetting who i am if i ever became one with him.

snap
the sound of taehyung's fingers brought me back from the trance i was stuck in.
"hey, what's wrong ? i felt you getting a bit lost there"

"huh ?"
i stared at him wide eyed.
"oh! yeah i'm... i'm sorry."

"don't apologize. i'm the one who's sorry... i shouldn't have done that". he looked away

there it is
i thought.
he regrets it

"i've wanted to do that for a while and i'm sorry if i forced it on you- i don't know what came over me"

"what ?"
i was startled by his apology.
there was no need for one.
i was as 'guilty' as he thought himself to be, if not worse. i had had the most unpure thoughts of him.
hell, i had jerked off to his drawings.
"you didn't force it on me."
i answered, almost shyly, staring at the ground.

"really ? you wanted it too ?"

"you are such an idiot."
i replied and he looked at me perplexed.
i decided it was better to leave this be, before it escalated into a situation we both would have a hard time getting out of.

"so anyways? why did you bring me here ?"
i asked as i held my hands behind my back, walking around the room and taking it in.
i turned my head to look at him.

"i assume you didn't bring me here with the sole purpose of kissing me" i smirked growing in confidence.

he seemed a bit embarrassed but he dismissed it with a small cough and made his way to where the easels were kept.
"well, not originally—although i didn't mind things taking that turn" he smirked back at me and the confidence i thought i possessed momentarily, scurried away, leaving in its stead a blush on the cheek and new found shyness.