anorexia ; kth ♡ jjk

prologue

hey guys so this is a quick intro (it's actually really long) to the story
this story is about eating disorders and how someone who struggles with one overcomes it if ed triggers you maybe this story isn't for you

jungkook's POV:

the grass kept tickling the back of my neck, as i lay down, both hands behind my head while i gazed deeply at the night sky, filled with thousands and thousands of unreachable stars.

ever since i could remember it was always me and my mom against the rest of the world. we had this little ritual..this tradition where she and i would just stargaze until i fell asleep and she'd have to carry me back inside.

but that ritual disappeared with her.

sure i was a troubled kid.. born with more grease and fat than the other children. i was chubby and a crybaby.
everytime something bad would happen to me i would cry.
so they labeled me.
they labeled me "the fat crybaby", they called me names, pushed me and mocked me..

i was weak.. this i know now.
the only person that stood by me and comforted me was my mom.
she was the only thing that mattered to me back then.

but the only precious thing i had,
the only thing i valued
was taken away from me before my very eyes.

i've never cried since.
i told myself to be stronger..
no one would look after me now
no one would comfort me when i'd cry
no one would stargaze with me until i'd drift to sleep.
except myself.

it was up to me. everything was.
and if i had to forge a future by myself? i'd do it.

if i didn't want to cry anymore i'd have to make that possible.. and for that to happen i needed to be
skinny.

and that's exactly what i did.
i starved myself.
that made me feel better in a way.
and before i knew it,

i was skinny.
but... i wanted more.
i was thirsty for more.

and that's when it came. it came to me and instead of pushing it away?
i embraced it.
what you may ask?
my anorexia.

the sky was now a dark shade of pink and orange.. the stars had disappeared and the sun had begun to rise.
i gently lifted my small and weak body up as i looked at the sky one more time.

for me, the sky reflected time. it showed me that time changes everything so fast.
from dark to light in a matter of seconds.

although dawn was here and the sun had almost completely risen, my mind was still deep dark like the sky i'd gazed upon just minutes before.

i started to make my way back to the house as quickly as i could so josh wouldn't see me outside at an hour like this.

i turned once again to admire the beautiful sky when my mind suddenly came across one of the ancient proverbs my mom used to recite to me.

"wounds heal over time"

wrong,
i thought.

my wound never healed..
in fact my wound never closed.

my wound was wide open.. as if waiting for someone to feed it, so it'd grow bigger and bigger until it would consume me completely and swallow me whole.

with that last thought in mind, i climbed onto the patio and soundlessly infiltrated my tiny body through my bedroom window.

i stripped down in front of my mirror, grabbing my pajamas as i did and just before i got dressed
i looked at myself in the mirror.

my ribs were sticking out,
my arms were thinner than thin
and my stomach was practically nonexistent..

but as i stared at the mirror i realized this one thing :
i'll never be skinny enough.

after a solid 50 seconds of staring at myself i whispered..

"still too fat"

then got into bed, before morning would take dawn's place.

this is the prologue
i hope this made you interested in this upcoming book uwu

please let me know what you think of it in the comments
(please vote <3)
and don't worry the actual book isn't gonna be this deep.

^^^ i take that back some of it will be and worse..
if u don't wanna stay i respect that