anorexia ; kth ♡ jjk

chapter 8

this chapter is gonna be some depressing thoughts and feelings type shit.
take this since i don't have the inspo for an actual chapter.

sometimes i feel like i'm drowning.
and that i'm enjoying it.
sometimes i like being in pain.
it makes me feel something.
anything, really.

that's why i'm fine like this.
i'm fine like this.
i'm fine like this.
i'm fine like this.
i'm fine like this.

do i really want to go to the surface ?
the deep waters are awfully comfortable..
i think being in pain makes me feel special.. different.
i'm not.
i'm pathetic.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like.
relieving ?
painful ?

how would people react ?
would they be sad ?
no.
would they forget about me quickly ?
yes.
would they care ?
only pretend to.

i want to kill myself.
i want to kill myself.
   but even for that, i'm too much of a coward.
-ook

is there a way out of this ?

-kook

do i want to get out of this ?

-jungkook !

i was shaken by a pair of hands on my shoulders.
i snapped out of my trance and focused on what was happening.

a boy was in front of me.
i didn't know him.

"it is jungkook, right ? you should go the class ended like, 15 minutes ago."
he said in a rush.

"oh- thank you." i looked around me to notice that, indeed, everyone had left the room.

the boy nodded and scurried out of the room leaving me alone in the big and empty space .

i took my time to exit the room.
after all its not like i was in a rush.
it's not like i was planning on going to the cafeteria.

i loomed slowly in the empty hallways and made my way to the library.
i took a seat at a table at the back of the room, where no one ever really goes.
i sat next to the big window.
it was raining.
i enjoyed watching the droplets race each other to the bottom.

i opened my bag and took a cereal bar and a water bottle.
i took my time to eat the bar.. i had a difficult time eating it, and only swallowed instead of chewing.
but of course, i had to eat.

my diet was consisted of :
- no breakfast
- water and a cereal bar for lunch
- diet coke and an apple for dinner

how healthy !

when i was done with the cereal bar i threw my bottle in my bag.
something fell out.

the sketchbook.

i picked it up and caressed the black leather cover with my skinny hands.

this book had been touched by taehyung.
i held it close to my chest
and squeezed it in my crossed arms with all my might.