Hogwart's Biggest Prank War

IX : Snape-tastrophe

George Weasley was a little pissed. Hermione Granger had openly, and semi-publicly turned him down, entirely for his little brother to see and ridicule him for.

It was also embarrassing to have a prank gone wrong. That had never happened to a Weasley twin before, and now he had let Fred down. George sighed, but he supposed that he might as well still continue on.

The prank must go on, he thought. Smiling, he started whistling while walking down the halls, knowing that he would be caught.

And he was.

"Weasley! You're supposed to be serving  a detention with Filch!" Snape shouted, announcing his presence.

"Professor, I'm not-"

But then George stopped, seeing how this could work in his favour.

"Why, I wanted to see you professor" he grinned, knowing exactly how to find a way to tease Fred the same way he would tease George. "You see, Filch and I have a problem"

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"And what might that be?"

George sighed. "You see professor, we tried and tried, but no matter how hard we tried, we could not get rid of it"

"Rid of what?" Snape asked apprehensively. George sighed.

"The grease sir. It's all over hogwarts. Filch has a theory that it's where you wring out your hair"

Snape's eyes widened. Didn't Argus like his extremely handsome, greasy hair? He had a special conditioner that he used that made it especially slimy, but he rarely showered, so it was nice to know that the grease was working naturally.

"Why you insolent little cu-"

"Bad wordius!" George shouted, pointing his wand at Snape. "That's a really awful word, professor. You shouldn't have a mouth like that. Finniculiousnemosestitusreoneveriotis!"

Snape's mouth suddenly shrivelled up to the size of a pea. "MHWAGU!" He shouted.

George shook his head. "Your mouth will start to swell again until it is at its normal size, but will reoccur every time you swear. Good day"

He bowed to Snape and then skipped away.

Snape tried to scream, but no sound came out.

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"If Merlin and Father Christmas had a child… what would it be called? Ron asked randomly. Hermione looked up in surprise.

"I thought you were upset with me" it meant 'I thought we agreed not to talk to each other'.

"I'm sorry" Ron replied stiffly. It meant 'I wasn't mad at you'. "That I told you to shut up"

Hermione nodded. "No, that's understandable. People don't like it when I try to help"

Ron frowned. "What's that supposed to-"

"RAWR!" Snape screamed as he walked into the room, quite calmly. Hermione and Ron looked up, shocked and confused, but there was no evidence that Snape had made a sound, apart from the weird smile on his face. "It means I love you in dinosaur talk" he explained.

Ron and Hermione exchanged looks.

"Er, are you alright professor?" Hermione asked cautiously, placing her sponge on the ground and standing. Although Ron was upset, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to check out her arse.

"I am a lollipop, hear me SQUAWK!" They both jumped as Snape squawked at them. "SQUAWK! I AM A FLAMINGO! SQUAWK!"

Before another word could be said, Snape snapped his teeth at Hermione and Ron jumped to his feet.