Not Set In Stone

Help Me Find My Way Home

Sometimes it's hard to imagine the way things can turn out when you're so used to a certain thing. In your case you never imagined that your life could end up on a more stable path, one where you were slowly building up a better you. You never expected it and yet here you were. Since getting out of J.C's gang and with the help you've received you have been working to make a better life for yourself, to live each day like it was your last.

It wasn't easy though, there was still the infamous history you have which led to some stigma against you. You were trying hard to prove to those around you that you were done being a thug but some were less forgiving than others and seemed to refuse to believe you. You didn't give up though; even if there were those who wouldn't believe you had changed, there were those who did and at the top of that list was Lizzie. She was the biggest change in your life, the one who changed it. For all you were before she came along, somehow she did what you thought was impossible and proved that you could be a decent person and you loved her for it.

And that was the next thing - love - who would have thought that you'd actually find love like this with someone? You certainly didn't, you didn't expect it, you didn't seem to care for it and now it was a part of your life. Before Lizzie came along you were a loner, always giving people a reason to stay away but she never did, she kept going and insisting and remained ever the stubborn bleeding heart that she was. And though it annoyed you at first, she was still by your side and you're grateful she's there.

In return for all that Lizzie has done for you, you have been working hard to keep your life on track. The small job that you have at the shop has been going well too, you managed to keep it for this long. The fact you were working there gave you the chance to show that you were turning your life around as people who made their purchases there were able to see you had simmered down your aggressive ways, becoming a better person.

You didn't want to spiral off this path so you just kept your head down and got on with your work both in and outside school. It was a hard mountain to climb but even from the point you were at now, it was a pretty damn good view.

However, there was still one loose end, one thing that you hadn't taken care of just yet. Your relationship with your mother was still in tatters, you hadn't seen her since the day she kicked you out of the house. It had been about two weeks now and you hadn't even spoken a word to her, a fact that was difficult to stomach but you didn't know what to do as could these deep wounds be healed?

Lizzie certainly believed so as she has been encouraging you to try and patch things up with your mother, then start again with her and work a better relationship with her but you were honestly scared to. You kept finding reasons not to go to your mother's house; you had to work on classes, you had to get to your job, you were scared to try and build bridges with your mother because you didn't know if there was anything that could be salvaged. You tried to avoid the topic but, as you knew, Lizzie was never one to leave anything unfinished. She was too stubborn to let it go as shown by the fact she waited for you to finish your shift at the shop and immediately brought it up as you left.

"I told you, Lizzie, I can't do it" you said for what felt like the thousandth time now as you were walking home but she wouldn't let up, she still insisted that you should at least go and visit your mother to at least try and fix things but you only said you couldn't and that there was no point. "Why is that? You've come this far and this is the last thing you have to do" Lizzie said and you spun around to face her.

"Because I'm scared, Lizzie!" You answered, voice raising a little and she saw the fear in your eyes. She asked why you were scared to at least try and you looked away, fists clenched before sighing and replying that the way things ended when your mother kicked you out just made it impossible to fix it. "I said things and...she'd hate me" you said before feeling Lizzie clasp one your hands in hers, making you face her as she said your mother wouldn't hate you, telling you that you needed to at least try and fix things with her as the longer that you leave it means the more difficult it would be to fix things - she was right.

You looked conflicted on the whole situation; you did want to fix things with your mother before it was too late but you were scared to even face her. #

"I called her a failure of a mother; I mean she was never the best but for a son to say that to their mother, how could something like that be fixed?" You asked and Lizzie reached up and cupped your face in her hands, looking into your eyes as she simply replied that you'd never know if you didn't try.

"You'll hate yourself more if you don't do anything" she said and you looked away only to be turned back to face. "I'm with you every step; I'll help you find your way home" she said and you weakly laughed at the line from the song before holding her hand against your cheeks, smiling softly as you looked at her. "Stay with me" you requested and she nodded, repeating that she would be with you every step of the way before taking hold of your hand and leading the way to your mother's house.

Words couldn't describe how scared you were but if Lizzie was there then maybe it would be fine. But it still felt like a long walk, longer than usual but maybe that was because your feet were dragging. Was your body trying to slow you down? You didn't know but you did know that you dreaded it when you saw your mother's house in the distance, it was getting closer and your heart rate got faster. You were scared but there was no turning back now, Lizzie wouldn't let you run now you got so far.

You were standing just in front of the house, the door was right in front of you and you raised your hand to knock but hesitated. "It'll be fine, Y/n" Lizzie said and you looked at her before the door again and took a deep breath, hand shaking before your knuckle hit the door in a light rap...the door swung wide open.

You and Lizzie stood silently for a moment before looking at each other, there was no way such a light knock on the door would swing it open like that. A sudden feeling of dread overcame you and you immediately entered the house, calling out to your mother but you got no response. This made your concern rise as you immediately headed to the living room where she would typically be passed out but she never left the door open like that even when drunk, that made seeing her laying there on the floor concern you even more.

"Mum!" You shouted as you rushed to her side, a liquor bottle a few feet away from her with its contents spilled on the floor. She was unconscious but this just felt wrong so you turned her over and checked for a pulse, finding a weak one and your fear skyrocketed.

"Mum, no no no, Lizzie, call an ambulance!" You shouted over to her and she scrambled for her phone and called the emergency services who quickly dispatched an ambulance. This was as your mother was slurring in her unconscious state and it was here that you realised how cold she was, freezing to the touch and your fear grew even more so you took your jacket and draped it over her. She was freezing, drinking alcohol and alone for two weeks. How long has she been in this state?

Lizzie could see your fear and tried to move you back but you refused, saying that you should never have left her alone when she gets like this. "If she dies then it's my fault, I should have stayed and looked out for her" you began sobbing as you stayed by her side.

Eventually, the ambulance arrived and your mother was taken to the hospital and you refused to leave her side, Lizzie not leaving yours. She could see the fear in your eyes, the concern that you had for your mother's wellbeing and she couldn't leave you alone.

Lizzie held your hand the whole way to the hospital, seeing your leg bouncing with fear as you squeezed her hand tight. When you arrived at the hospital you tried to follow as your mother was rushed in for emergency treatment but was stopped by the doctor who told you to wait outside. Lizzie had to hold you back as you refused to wait.

"I have to be there!" You shouted but your legs crumbled and you collapsed to your knees, Lizzie kneeling at your side and hugging you as you held her tight. "I shouldn't have left her" you sobbed as she hugged you, rubbing your back as she said it wasn't your fault. "We found her so it's up to the hospital now" she said as you held onto her tight, needing her now more than ever as you sobbed.

There is nothing more you can do than just wait now.